DIDN'T I (BLOW YOUR MIND THIS TIME)

Here are a few mindblowing facts that you might not have known:

* Phonetically, Canadian golfer Mike Weir's name sounds like "My Queer". (See also: "Joke Hole".) If you are rooting for him, be careful if you admit this out loud.

* The current baseball home run record for a player unaided by performance enhancing drugs during a 162 game season is 61, by Roger Maris (1961). Ryan Howard has 54 and is on pace to hit 63 (unless he's on HGH, then he didn't really hit any).

* The most disgusting recipe I've heard of lately: the walking taco. You take a Doritos or Fritos bag, crush the chips, and fill it with taco meat, sour cream, lettuce and tomatoes. What white trash idiot came up with that? Blargh.

* The new treadmills at my gym have a chart listing optimum values for your heart rate, which equal 65% and 80% of your suggested maximum. This list is by age, and it goes up to 100 years old. 100! What one hundred year old is going to be on a treadmill? You'd be lucky to have a pulse at all! The optimum values for age 100 are 78 and 96 bpm, in case you were wondering.

* What's the biggest size shrimp? Did you say "jumbo"? That sounds good to me. Well, if you did, you're wrong! That's right, there's a new shrimp in town, and it's COLOSSAL! I think steroids are somehow involved.

* The Barry Manilow song "I Write The Songs" was actually not written by Barry Manilow (it was Bruce Johnston). Oh, the irony.