I'M BACK

Thanks to the great Jersey Joe Davis (who seriously needs to update his blog), here's a link to T.O.'s "I'm Back" Cowboys rap. Phenomenal, this is definitely going on my MP3 player. This gives everyone a reason to hate the Cowboys, if you didn't already, and his "haters" more ammo. What a dick.

Well, it's over before it even started. The 2006 baseball season has already been predicted by several computer models on this blog. This is like the Farmer's Almanac of Baseball. And since Japan has already proved that they play the BEST baseball in the world anyway, it's just as well. Okay, now that that's all wrapped up, we can go watch some golf and hockey instead. Wait a sec--Grady Little's Los Angeles Dodgers of Los Angeles will win the NL West? WTF is that computer smoking? I think one of the computers used was the Frinkiac 7. "Well, sure, the Frinkiac 7 looks impressive--don't TOUCH it! But I predict that within one hundred years computers will be twice as powerful, 10,000 times larger, and so expensive that only the five richest kings of Europe will own them." (slick segue)

10,000 Maniacs will be appearing at Vertigo in Nyack on 3/31/06. And no, Natalie Merchant will not be there, and neither will guitarist Robert Buck (since he's dead). First of all, they shouldn't even be allowed to use that name (how about 9,998 Maniacs?). Second of all, who are we going to see that night, original drummer Jerome Augustyniak? (Hey, don't laugh. I met him backstage at the Garden State Arts Center on 9/17/89 while waiting for Natalie, who never showed up. Anyway, he was a nice guy. Maybe he'll remember me.) FYI, Tilbrook & Gaines will also be there on 4/7. That's right, Glen Tilbrook from Squeeze, and Jeffrey Gaines from, uhm, I don't know what's on his resume exactly, but I think he covered "In Your Eyes" about 5 years ago. Personally, I'd rather see Garth Brooks' alter ego, Chris Gaines, which goes on my list of "Top 10 Career Miscalculations Of All Time".

How long do you have to be a coach before people can call you "coach"? Because I heard them call John Thompson "Coach" on the radio the other day, a title which he has most definitely earned (unlike the title "President", which very few deserve to be called after they leave the White House). But they certainly don't call Dick Vitale "Coach", even though he was one. Maybe it's because of his 30-52 record coaching the Pistons in 1978-79, and his subsequent firing 12 games into the next season, which led him to sign on with ESPN (he can't coach, so that means he's a basketball expert?). Or perhaps it's because he's paid to watch college basketball AND HE'S BLIND IN ONE EYE? BTW, I love when sports talk guys "break down the brackets" for the Sweet 16, even though they only got 7 of 16 correct when called on for their "expertise" last week. Ridiculous. They should be forced to stick with the crap teams they raved about before the tourney started. For instance, my breakdown for the Round of 16: "This young Kansas team should be able to take care of an overrated Memphis team, while NC is a LOCK to beat Tennessee . . . " Did I mention that Kansas and Iowa (and the whole shitty overrated Big Ten) can go to straight to Hell for all I care?

The Simpsons has been renewed for two more seasons by FOX. That means we're talking Seasons 18 and 19--yikes. Also, the episode to be shown on March 26th, "Homer Simpson, This Is Your Wife", was written and directed by (and guest stars) 'The Office' creator Ricky Gervais.

This is completely looney: Coyote caught in Central Park. For a while, those ACME rocket powered rollerskates were working out for him. But eventually, they managed to catch him by setting a roadrunner loose as a decoy, and then dropping a huge boulder on him. (I thought of this joke before I clicked to see they already used "wily" in the title of the article. Damn. I'm sure everyone thought the same thing.)