OPEN HOCKEY MUSIC REPORT

Vertullo broke this story: Alice in Chains is "back"! Well, sort of. According to Jerry Cantrell's website, the remaining members (bassist Mike Inez, drummer Sean Kinney, and guitarist Cantrell) are playing together for the first time since 1996, on March 10, 2006 at the Taj Majal in Atlantic City as "Heart's special guests" with, I assume, Carrie Underwood on vocals. Uhm, no, actually, Comes With the Fall frontman William DuVall is currently the lead singer, and it's being filmed for VH1 Classic's "Decades Rock Live!". They've also announced several European rock festival tour dates in June, and as for the US, all they say "MORE TOUR DATES COMING". Personally, I'm glad I saw the original lineup at Lollapalooza '96, because it's not the same without Layne Staley (who died in 2002, which is oddly never mentioned on the offical Sony Music band bio; I guess they stopped caring once the final greatest hits collection was released). AIC reportedly turned down an offer to follow INXS's lead and audition new vocalists via CBS' Rock Star. So yeah, it could have been worse.
_________________________________________
Speaking of "Rock Star", Jane's Addiction is using one of their songs to sell Cooper Tires. Thankfully, they use a recent song from their latest (and not greatest) album "Strays", but it's still pretty lame. Do they need the money? Did Dave Navarro run out of the money he made digging up Michael Hutchence's grave? Should we expect "Been Caught Stealing" to be used in a LO-JACK commercial in the near future? Well, at least Perry Farrell will never have to pay for tires for his minivan ever again. I just laughed a little thinking of him behind the wheel of a Dodge Caravan, driving kids to a soccer game. Tee hee!

(While we're at it, why is Jerry Rice doing every commercial (Tiger Balm) and reality show (Dancing with the Stars, Pros vs. Joes) he can get his legendary NFL Hall of Fame hands on? Does he need the cash? Did he and Joe Montana blow through all of their 49ers money already? Does he just miss the attention?)
_________________________________________
I decided to sign up with eMusic music subscription service, because music-buying legend "Sloppy" Joe Davis pressured me into doing it (and hey, we each get 50 free songs). Well, it's definitely not iTunes, which is a good thing in my opinion. They offer three different monthly plans (and one limited time offer yearly plan), and none of them end up costing you more than 25¢/song (I got the 40 downloads per month for $9.99). They offer quality VBR (variable bitrate) MP3s that are universally compatible and free of DRM (Digital Rights Management protection), so you can burn them to a CD as many times as you want. Plus, since they're 100% focused on independent labels, the site isn't bogged down with stuff I don't really want, like Britney or Mariah or Kanye (I can go to BMG for that stuff). So although big names like Coldplay may be on here, their entire discography is not represented (only the indie label "Brothers and Sisters" EP from 1999 can be found); likewise, the only Johnny Cash you can find is a collection of Sun Records recordings (but who's complaining?). They claim to have 1,000,000 songs, but half of them seem to be things like the "Theme from the A-Team", or tracks from interview discs like "Maximum Audioslave". But any music site where Tom Waits is among the Top 20 artists is okay with me, because that tell me they're more about discovering music, and less about commerce.
_________________________________________
Every morning I play a little game with myself when I take my coffee break. 100.7 FM, The Hudson Valley's most craptacular music radio station, is always on, and I try to guess which of the following artists will come on during the time I'm up there:
a) Elton John
b) Donna Summer
c) The Bee Gees
d) Chicago
e) none of the above
You'd be surprised how often "The Four Horsemen of the Adult Soft Rock Apocalypse" get played. So far this week, it's been:
2/27: b, 2/28: a, 3/1: a, 3/2: d, 3/3: e.
Congratulations, Elton! Let me take this opportunity to post this January 1978 People magazine cover, and the bizarre line next to it:

"Elton John - He's given up touring and those nutty glasses -- but not lasses"

What? This is news to me! Since when did he like "lasses"? Hasn't Elton been gay since he came out of the womb? Wow, it sure was not acceptable to be openly gay in the 70s. How times have changed, and for the gayer!
_________________________________________
DiG! I'm going to come right out and say it: this movie made me hate musicians. Normally, a quality music-based movie should make you feel compelled to buy some of the music featured in it. For instance, movies like "Ray" and "Walk The Line" spiked music sales for the two artists featured, as many flocked to iTunes / Amazon.com / Best Buy for Ray Charles and Johnny Cash songs, respectively. Heck, after watching VH1's "Legends: Queen" a few years ago, I wanted to buy the band's entire catalog. But this movie had the opposite effect. It's a documentary about two rival bands, The Dandy Warhols and the Brian Jonestown Massacre, and their history together spanning 7 years. Even though it's narrated by DW's Courtney Taylor and thus may be a little biased, there's no doubt that Anton Newcombe, the head of BJM, is totally insane. He would attack the DW while they were onstage, start fights with hecklers (he kicked one in the head on camera), move in with friends without invitation, try to sell his records at the other bands' concert without consulting them, miss record company meetings because he was bombed out of his mind. (Interesting fact I learned: the one A&R guy that believed in him claimed that 90% of their projects fail to turn a profit, while they make money on the successful 10%--no wonder the music industry is so screwed up.) Everyone seemed to think of him and treat him as a "troubled genius", but this guy just appeared to be a complete fuck up.

I came away from this film with the opinion that I never ever, even accidentally, want to purchase one of his discs / songs / t-shirts, because I would merely be fueling his drug addiction, making him even more of a self-destructive menace than he is already. In fact, I don't even want to link to the official movie website, for fear someone might get a fraction of a penny as a result. This movie quickly grew tiresome as we watch him slowly squander his talent, money and friendships because of his rampant drug problem and unrelenting hostility towards everyone he came into contact with. Utterly depressing. I give it my lowest rating, 9 thumbs down.
_________________________________________
If you think about it, every rock song that's worth listening to is either about sex or drugs (or war, possibly). When I was a naive youngster (not that I've changed much), I loved the song "Space Oddity" by David Bowie. On the surface, it seems like a sad song about the perils of space travel, and it was even released to coincide with the Apollo moon landing in 1969. Naturally, I read later that it's about drugs, hence the line "We know Major Tom's a junkie", which in appears in the song "Ashes to Ashes", released a decade later. Dammit! Why can it just be about space travel? Maybe because every good rock song ever written was written ON drugs. Oddly enough, "I Want A New Drug" by Huey Lewis and the News, is NOT about drugs; it's actually about trade embargos and their affect on international shipping in the 1980s.
_________________________________________

Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin, Liszt, Brahms, panties . . . I'm sorry . . . Schumann, Schubert, Mendelssohn and Bach: names that will live forever. But there is one composer whose name is never included with the greats. Why is it the world never remembered the name of Johann Gambolputty de von Ausfern -schplenden -schlitter crasscrenbon -fried -digger -dangle -dongle -dungle -burstein -von -knacker -thrasher -apple -banger -horowitz -ticolensic -grander -knotty -spelltinkle -grandlich -grumblemeyer -spelterwasser- kürstlich -himbleeisen -bahnwagen -gutenabend -bitte -ein -nürnburger -bratwurstle -gerspurten -mit -zwei -macheluber -hundsfut -gumberaber -shönendanker -kalbsfleisch -mittler -aucher von Hautkopft of Ulm?