QUICK SLAPSHOTS

Is it a "Cooper Mini" or a "Mini Cooper"? I thought the manufacturer's name goes first, and the model name last. Or maybe it's just me. I guess I shouldn't buy one since I never get the name right.

I always spell the word "unbelievable" incorrectly, putting an extra "e" in there after the "v". God help me, I can't stop.

I hate going to the gym. I absolutely, unequivocally, 100% hate it. But I show up because I have to, since it's the only real exercise I get. However, I'm near the breaking point. The Bally's right down the street just closed down, and as a result the gym is constantly jam packed. I usually go between 5 and 6 on weekdays, and apparently this is prime time for the spinning/aerobics/dancerobics classes, because you can't even get a parking space within a half mile radius of the place. When I go on Saturday mornings, it's also jammed, and it never used to be. It sucks.

The phrase "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark. The new phrase is "screwed the pooch", which will later be replaced by "shit the bed" and "busted the condom".

I grew up in the New York City area, and lived near it my entire life, and I've never been to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I've been to the Louvre, the Museum of Modern Art, the Chicago Institute, and the British Museum, but not ONCE have I set foot in the Met (even when my friend's sister WORKED THERE). This is the year I go there, and to celebrate afterwards, I'm going to have a martini at the rooftop café. I have no excuse.

So the NFL is going to crack down on "excessive touchdown celebrations", just like they did in the 80s. You know what? I don't give a shit anymore. If you score a TD and want to act like a giant padded clown, making it all about yourself instead of your team, go for it! I just won't be rooting for you anytime soon. Especially if you have a STAR on your helmet. Oh, and I didn't see anyone on the Steelers do that stupid shit, and they won the MOST SUPER OF ALL BOWLS. Also, the NFL just announced the first week of games--not the whole 2006 schedule, just the first week, which includes a Thursday, Sunday and two (TWO?) Monday night games. First of all, why just announce the first week, why not the whole season? Here's an idea: how about you don't tell each teams whom they're playing until the Tuesday morning of each week? You could use a lottery machine with ping pong balls to determine each opponent! That would add an element of surprise, sorely missing from the sport. Plus, if the team can't arrange to get a flight and arrive there in time, they forfeit! Second, I hate Sunday night games. Let me rephrase that: I'm not fond of games that occur at any other time besides Sunday afternoon. So thanks NFL, for putting the "Manning a Manning" Giants/Colts season opener on SUNDAY NIGHT! Ugh.

Does everyone have George Mason Mania? I can't believe that a commuter school, whose students barely even knew they HAD a basketball team, is in the Final Four. And I can't even express how little I'm looking forward to watching it (GM is going to lose, which will make me even less excited). Like the NFL playoffs, once the Super Bowl rolls around, unless your team is in it you completely lose interest. I'm just glad I didn't spend a fortune to go see Nova in the Homer Dome (not that it was ever a legitimate option). Plus, it was 20° up there last weekend. That would have been a drag.

Last night, the Devils were winning 2-1 with a minute left against Ottawa . . . and Heatley scored to tie it. Yeah, they won it in the shootout, on a Gomez goal that he ricocheted off the windmill and into the clown's mouth (my love for the shootout is waning, can you tell?). All I'm saying is that this is the kind of luck this team is having right now, and if I haven't said it before (and I have) the season is not going to end well. Although, I hope the Rangers play the Canadiens in the playoffs, because that would mean a Montréal roadtrip!

I enjoy the show "LOST", even though it's frustrating, but the promos for upcoming episodes for the show are simply awful. Last week they said "She's going to learn a secret that could change the relationships of everyone on the island", or something . . . and she ended up pregnant. Oh, okay, thanks for the cliche (I could ask how they had a pregnancy test, but no shaving cream, but I'll leave that to the hundreds of fansiters to ponder). Then the episode's subplot involved three survivors searching for a hot air balloon that one of the guys on the island said he crash landed in. Naturally, the episode ends without them finding the goddamn balloon . . . and then you see it in the promo featuring scenes from NEXT WEEK'S show. What the hell is that? And the narration said something like "Five things will happen that will change things forever!" Great. What I am I supposed to do, keep a running count while I'm watching the show? That's stupid, because now it's in my head. Next time how about you say, "Next week, they're still trapped on the island, and weird things happen!" That would be sufficient.