MAGICAL MILESTONES (THAT YOU MAY OR MAY NOT CARE ABOUT)

Nostalgia is a ridiculously huge market; it seems like I can't turn around without someone reminding me of some anniversary of something, and providing a link where I can buy my memory back. Therefore here are a bunch of milestones you may have had forced down your throat this month, along with some that only I care about.

5 years ago: I got LASIK laser eye surgery (2/14/2002). Okay, it's not exactly five years ago, but I was reminded about it because I just had a checkup last week.

10 years ago: Jeff Buckley died at the age of 30 (5/29/1997), tragically drowning while taking a break from working on his second studio album.

12 years ago: I saw the aforementioned Jeff Buckley live in concert for the first time (6/1/1995), opening for Juliana Hatfield, of all people, at Tradewinds in Sea Bright, NJ. After he was done the crowd was still buzzing about his performance; perhaps sensing that he may have upstaged Juliana's set, Jeff jumped onstage during "Universal Heartbeat" and pumped his fists and dove off the stage to wake up the crowd.

15 years ago: I graduated from Villanova University (5/31/1992). Man, that was a long time ago.

20 years ago: I saw U2 on the Joshua Tree Tour, at the Brendan Byrne Meadowlands Arena, section 234, row 17 (5/16/1987). They also had the #1 single in the land that week, "With Or Without You". My friend Phil reminded me of this, as I drove us all to the show in my giant black 1975 Chevy Monte Carlo. The tickets were $16.50. (Ha!)

30 years ago: Star Wars was released (5/27/1977). Even though I was only 7 years old, I vaguely remember seeing it over the summer at the Leavitt Theater in Ogunquit, Maine. It's a shame that Lucas had to go make those 3 sh!tty prequel movies to ruin the franchise forever. I heard there was some massive geekfest out in California to mark the occasion, but I prefer this video from 5 years ago, where Triumph the Insult Comic Dog takes on the geeks on Late Night with Conan O'Brien, May 2002.


"Here's a spoiler: you will die alone." Classic.

40 years ago: The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (in the US on 6/2/1967). Though I wasn't alive for this, my dad played this album quite a lot when I was a youngster to the point where I know it backwards and forwards. BBC has some interesting stuff about this classic album on their BBC Radio 2 site. (Oasis are Beatles fans? Shocking!)

I'VE GOT A CASE OF THE MONDAYS

I've got a case of the Mondays, even though it's a Tuesday, since I took off yesterday to play golf. I tried to think of something to blog but I got nothing, just have a bunch of brief thoughts that I don't feel like expounding on.

* The Yankees desperate move of signing Roger Clemens, coupled with their circus-like announcement of it indicates that their dynasty in the American League East is officially over. Someone likened this to something that would happen in wrestling: "CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCKET'S COOKING?" But Yankee radio announcer Suzyn Waldman's ridiculous reaction to it (look for the Roger's BACK audio link on the right) made me almost throw up from laughter. No matter how many times I say "RAWGER CLEMENS IS IN GEORGE'S BAWKS!", it's still funny. Of all the dramatic things she's seen? I guess all those dramatic World Series moments can't possibly beat that. Oh well, the Yanks had a good run.

* It's also over for Tony Soprano. I'm done watching the show, and I'm done complaining about it. Here's my blognostication as the show limps to the finale: AJ kills himself, Phil kills Paulie (Silvio, or anyone in NJ), Tony kills Phil, Carmela kills Tony. The end! Please pay your toll on the way outta Jersey.

Seriously, I think Carmela killing Tony in the final ep, and making it look like an accident, would be awesome. She's been defending him for so many years now, and it's all going to come to head when she finally realizes that she's married to pure evil, and she'll kill him with the new $10,000 espresso machine. Or he'll "accidentally drown in the pool", as his ducks from the first episode land in the water next to him. Or maybe everyone all die in a massive explosion, or their plane crashes on a mysterious island in the South Pacific. I just don't care that much anymore.

* Believe it or not, I'm trying to cut down on caffeine. I tried the new Starbucks Komodo Dragon, and it actually tastes pretty good for a decaf. But it really attacks my bowels even moreso than their other coffees, so I've renamed it "The Commode Dragon".

* I actually missed "LOST", "The Sopranos" and the final episode of "Heroes" this week. Why, you ask? Because I was at the bar all three nights! Yeah, I should probably spend a little less time and money there.

RANDOM THOUGHTS

The Royal Tavern in Philadephia had one of the best CD jukeboxes I've ever seen. I put in $10 and got 36 credits (I was expecting the digital juke prices, which are much higher) and off the top of my head we played songs by: Art Brut, AC/DC, Arctic Monkeys, Black Sabbath, Guided By Voices, The Stooges, New Order, Beastie Boys, Neil Young, The Cure, The Smiths, TV On The Radio, Girl Talk, Peter Bjorn & John, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Wilco, Tapes n Tapes, Johnny Cash, Band Of Horses. Okay, I'm exhausted, but you get the idea.

As golf gear goes, we all understand the allure of the $400 driver: people with loads of disposible income want to be able to think they can drive a ball 300 yards and will pay whatever it takes. But a Titleist Scotty Cameron putter that costs $299.99? For a club you don't even swing that's made up of about $7 worth of raw materials? Are you kidding?

The show "Curb Your Enthusiasm" is occasionally funny. But while watching a repeat the other night, I realized how ridiculous and unrealistic it can be. During a poker game at Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Brad Hall's house, Larry David calls another player a "cunt". Somehow this offends everyone so much they all go home. Come on! This is a word coming out of a comedian's mouth in front of a bunch of Hollywood types, and we're supposed to believe they're shocked an appalled by this? Sure they're playing it for laughs, but there's only so much neurotic bullshit that I will buy.

In Dodge's new commercials, they brag about their heated/cooled cupholders. No, they don't talk about advances in engine technology, or gas mileage: they want you to buy it for the CUPHOLDERS. Meanwhile, Toyota has passed GM as the #1 seller in the US, and everyone's wondering why. (Oh, and Mazda has to get rid of that creepy "zoom zoom" campaign while we're at it; they may have good cars, but the commercial makes me really hate them.)

BTW, I love this article about car salesmen from The Truth About Cars. Any article that starts with the following sentence is okay with me:

Sometime between the sale of the first Model T and now, the automobile business has come to represent all that is wrong with sales, marketing and advertising. According to the surveys that track respect for professions, automobile salesmen are bottom feeders, swimming just above the mud with politicians and marketing folk. Do new and used-car dealers deserve such scorn? Absolutely.

Bingo.

In closing, did you know that the Devils' American Hockey League team, the Lowell Devils, have three brothers of current players on their roster? Jordan Parise (starting goalie, 2.68 GAA in 32 G), Mike Pandolfo, and Stephen Gionta all played for the Massachusettes farm team this season. Wacky but true! Devils 2.0.

RANDOM

There was this big "dramatic" scene during last week's LOST, featuring two of the most uninteresting yet (unfortunately) pivotal characters: Jack and Kate. Near the conclusion of the scene, they pulled back to show there was a foosball table in the room, something the viewers had no idea would even be on the island. I thought to myself, "Ooo, they have foosball!", completely forgetting whatever the two characters had just said. Essentially, the foosball players were the most compelling actors in the scene.

One other TV note: for the big SCRUBS moment where a "longtime employee goes into a coma", they chose the sassy black nurse Laverne? Jeepers, who gives a crap?

Random thought: do birds ever get "dead wing"? I'll be sitting in front of the computer and suddenly my leg will fall asleep, for no good reason. Do animals ever get this?

Vertullo passed this along: SNOPES determined that indeed W's Texas ranch house is much more environmentally friendly than Gore's mansion in Tennessee.

God bless the Onion: Confident Phil Mickelson guarantees Tiger Woods will win Masters. After winning the Doral, Tiger said he was "very pleased" with his game heading into the Masters. Note to the rest of the field: be very afraid.

Why does Deadspin hate Jim Nantz? He's probably the nicest guy you could ever imagine, and I have absolutely no problem with him. It seems that sports fans and websites just have to hate someone or they would wither and die. Blech.

BTW, golf is all about tradition. That's why it irks me when these corporate sponsors change the name of the tournament at their whim. It's the "Doral", not the "WGC-CA Championship", whatever the fuck that is. And as much as I like Arnie, it's the "Bay Hill Invitational", okay? Stop it already.

SALSA & SELTZER & SHAMROCK SHAKES

(I just realized that "salsa & seltzer" were on my shopping list. Please, Jerry Seinfeld, don't sue me.)

It's SHAMROCK SHAKE TIME! I haven't been to a McD's in about 3 years but I'm pretty sure they still have these. Or do they? You may not know this, but the McDonald's character Grimace is thought to represent their shakes, though he's not a "shake-based creature" (God bless you for your gleeful inanity, Wikipedia!). A few words about Grimace: he's actually known as "Shaky" in Brazil, and his Irish relative is named Uncle O'Grimacy (see photo).

I've heard someone say that saying St. "Patty's" Day is offensive, and that you should say "St. Patrick's Day" instead. And some people are annoyed by the decorations featuring leprechauns carrying mugs of beer, saying that they are "unfair stereotypes". Are we kidding? How did everyone get so whiny and sensitive about everything?

VIACOM is suing GooTube for $1 billion. Wait, isn't there an MTV channel on Google? So what's the difference? Stupid douchebags. In a related story I'm announcing that I will be suing VIACOM for 100 billion dollars in damages, just because. I'd have no need for them if it weren't for "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report". It seems that whole sections of the population now are self-appointed PC policemen, who seem to exist just to blow the whistle on who said the word "faggot", "nigger", "vagina" or whatever word is offensive this month. How did this country turn into a bunch of whiny tattletale assholes? And I've never been a Patti Smith fan, but I admire her for singing "Rock and Roll Nigger" as her final song after her Rock n' Roll Hall of Fame induction; I'm sure a few people got their panties in a bunch over that song selection. (Oh, and the original four members of R.E.M. performing "Gardening At Night" last night really took me back.)

Between heckling A-Rod incessantly for "only" driving in 120 runs, booing Beltran on opening day, and chanting "SHOOT THE PUCK" on the Rangers power play, I'm beginning to think New York fans are irritating, arrogant pricks. Just a thought.

Does Old Spice make a "LOW ENDURANCE" deodorant? Because I don't know what they think I can withstand, but I don't think I'm ready for a HIGH ENDURANCE PACIFIC SURGE. In fact, the whole Pacific coastline is incerdibly vulnerable in the case of a tsunami, so why would they even name their product something so horrible?

APROPOS OF NOTHING

I decided to post some random stuff today, just because I can.

• I don't pay attention to gossip nonsense. In fact, I can't fucking stand it and wish the gossip "industry" would go away. So anyway, I guess Howard Stern announced he was marrying Anna Nicole, but she died in a head shaving accident, or something?

• While driving around the picturesque "Loop" at Newark Liberty International Airport on Friday night waiting for Kris to arrive, I wondered why the FAA code for this lovely airport is EWR. Why not something starting with N? Then I read this article, and it explains it all, and more. (The first letter 'N' was nabbed by the Navy, so all cities with that letter had to get creative.)

• For some reason, two crappy coaches landed NFL jobs this month: Wade Phillips with Dallas (lifetime 48-39 as head coach, 0-3 in playoffs), and Norv Turner with San Diego (58-82-1, 1-1). After we just had two black coaches in the Super Bowl, was this just a knee-jerk reaction by GMs to hire more old, useless, lilly-white coaches? Because it couldn't be playoff success or a winning records that prompted these hirings.

• I used to shop at Stew Leonard's all the time when I lived in Danbury, CT. I went there the other day, and I couldn't believe how expensive most things were. And as always, most things you have to buy multiple units of just to get a discount. Was it always that much? Was I just lured there because of their singing milk cartons?

• XM and Sirius are talking about merging into one huge super satellite radio monolith. Of course, this means the Delphi radio I just bought in December (and the one I got for my sister) will be obsolete by the end of the year, or at least no longer as useful. Fantastic! Of course, any increases in programming choices will be offset by the fact that this will be a monopoly, and without competition they can charge whatever they want. What happened to anti-trust laws? Are they just a 20th century relic?

• Hudson House in Nyack, where we ate on Saturday, is fantastic. I can't recommend it enough. Plus, they treat us like we're regulars. I wish I could afford to go there more than once or twice a year.

• I've got news for the Democrats: middle America is not voting for a woman President, nor are they voting for a black man named "Barack Hussein Obama". (I've even been getting the mass forwarded emails that say "He's trying to hide the fact that he was raised a Muslim, let us all be alert"--cripes.) Everyone in the liberal cities and the media thinks these are fantastic candidates, that we're all enlightened, that we've come a long way in terms of racial and sexual prejudices--I call bullshit. These are novelty candidates, and quite possibly will divide the country even further, if that's possible. The Dems are going to blow this opportunity if they don't put an electable man out there. Edwards? Biden? Kucinich? Are you kidding? Never mind, they don't have one. Before long, the Republicans will start using that Grammy® Award winning song for 2008: This is ouuuuuuuuuuuur country! (BTW, I've lived in NY for 6 years and I still don't know one person who has voted for Senator Hillary.)

• I used to shop at Stew Leonard's all the time when I lived in Danbury, CT. I went there the other day, and I couldn't believe how expensive most things were. And as always, most things you have to buy multiple units of just to get a discount. Was it always that much? Was I just lured there because of their singing milk cartons?

• Phil "FIGJAM" Mickelson looked like he had Winged-Foot-In-Mouth disease once again. Charles Howell III put some pressure on him late in the fourth round of the Nissan Open and he disintegrated like a muffin in the rain, losing on the 3rd playoff hole. Howell now has 4096520987 FedEx Cup points, or something.

• Instead of trying to find a way to score goals against the Devils last night, the Rangers decided to send Avery out there to interfere with Brodeur, to bump him and antagonize him the whole night. Guess what? They still lost 2-1. Way to go, guys. My blognostication: The Rangers are DONE. (Oh, the Parise goal to win the game was beautiful.)

• Worst movie that I've seen lately: The Benchwarmers. Even though I only watched 15 minutes of it, what I saw was incredibly, painfully, AGRESSIVELY unfunny. Who thought a movie with the star talent of David Spade, Rob Schneider, Jon Lovitz, Reggie Jackson, and Craig Kilborn could be so stupid? This is the quintessential scene: the aformentioned Mr. October is hired to train them to play baseball, and to increase their speed he has them "ring doorbells and run away" (of course). The character played by Jon Heder (who will never top Napoleon Dynamite) is so stupid that he doesn't run away, and instead jumps into a bush. The homeowner comes out screaming his head off (which is what I automatically do, regardless of who is at the door), but doesn't realize the jokester is in the bushes . . . until he farts and gives himself away. This is comedy at its finest, people.

• Rocky Balboa on steroids? Yeah, that about sums up sports right now.

FIRST AID SPRAY

Every day that I'm at work, I want it to be one day ahead of what it actually is. For instance, today is Wednesday but I really wish it was Thursday. And on Sundays, I want to go one day back.

I was thinking today, whatever happened to First Aid Spray? That used to be the all-purpose solution for any scrape, burn or cut I'd get as a kid, and my mom would liberally spray that shit on like it was a magic cure-all elixir. But man, that god damn stuff stung like hell. What did they put in that can? I'm not even sure there was any actual medication in it (like an antiseptic). Was it just cheap grade isopropyl (rubbing) alcohol? Not only that, but it was really cold as well. Did they mix in some refrigerator coolant? Basically, I don't think it did anything but sting so badly that you forgot what injury you had in the first place. And I know my mom loves me, but I guess not enough to buy anything better than the No-Frills version.

I'D RATHER BE AT THE DENTIST

So I'm sitting in the dentist chair while the hygienist has her way with my teeth and gums, furiously prodding and scraping away with those little pointy spatulas from hell. All I can do while I'm occupied, besides listening to her stomach growl, is stare at the ceiling: the ceiling tiles, the radio speaker emitting inoffensive softrock like "Jack and Diane", the screws holding in the radio speaker, the dentist's lamp manufacturer's name (MIDMARK). The whole time I'm wondering why they don't just put small LCD TVs up there to give the patients something to take their mind off the torture. It's not like the dentist doesn't make enough money, so what's the problem? I'm going to start calling dentists until I find one with ceiling-mounted monitors showing DirecTV.

Anyway, after about an hour of this the hygienist suddenly announces, "Left upper rear wisdom tooth, possible cavity!" Well, thanks sweetcheeks, but I think we'll wait for the BIG GUY WHO SIGNS YOUR CHECK to come in and confirm that. Sure enough the dentist didn't find anything, and he screamed at her, "You fool! I think you've earned a time out for that misdiagnosis!" and injected a huge dose of Novacaine into her neck. Soon after she slumped lifeless to the floor, the two of us were enjoying martinis in the lobby, chatting about the opera and the horrible traffic at Vail this time of year.

That's why the dentist's office is much better than work.

I WILL NOT BE RUNNING IN 2008

Hello America!

I wanted to take this opportunity to declare that I will not be running in 2008. As others have already stated their intentions, I thought it was only fair to inform the American people of my wishes. Running is not something that I have seriously considered, although I may have threatened to do so in the past. Although I frequently go for jogs/walks (more of a "wog", really), I certainly would not call it 'running'. Running takes a lot of motivation and effort, and it's very hard on the knees. As a tall person, it's just not something that I'm well suited for and thus I don't intend to run this year or in 2008.

I was just informed that Kerry announced he was not running FOR PRESIDENT in 2008. Sorry, I missed that little bit of information. (Did we expect him to run? Did we even ask him to?) Well, that changes things a bit.

Regardless, I may as well use this space to also say that I will not be running, for President or otherwise, in 2008. It was a decision that I thought long and hard about over the past several minutes, a decision that did not come easy. I admit that many tears, and clothes, were shed during this time of reflection. I want to thank all my supporters and my family for standing behind me, even though you may have been making faces back there that I couldn't see. Thank you.

Speaking of thanks, it bugs me that some people don't say 'thanks' when you hold the door for them. It's not like I want them to tip me. I'm not asking for much. I say it all the time when people hold the door for me. Well, usually I say 'thanks' at the first set of doors, but if there's a second set I usually mumble so that you only hear the sibilants, and it ends up sounding more like 'kssss'. It's certainly close enough, and I'm sure the door holder gets the idea and isn't offended. But I digress.

In closing, I just wanted to state my intentions without being misleading, deceptive or vague. I also do not wish to be redundant, repetitive, or reiterative. Basically, I will not be running in 2008.

Thank you.

IT'S BLOG, IT'S BLOG, IT'S BIG, IT'S HEAVY, IT'S WOOD!

I really have been struggling to find things to blog about. Seriously, there's not much to say. Although, you can expect my bloggocity to increase after my weekend visit to IKEA. Here's what happened: I was checking out a JERKER, and thinking about settling for the adequate but boring ROBIN, when the sexy GUSTAV caught my eye. Let me tell you about GUSTAV: big, black/brown, hard as wood, gorgeous--I knew right then and there that I just had to have GUSTAV. However, I couldn't find a KOLON protector no matter how hard I looked, so I'm probably going to stain the carpet. But I've got GUSTAV in my bedroom right now, and I couldn't be happier. Oh, GUSTAV is the name of my workplace series computer desk. What were you thinking?

HERE WIE GO AGAIN

Wie shot a 8-over 43 on the front nine during the first round today at the Sony Open. I'm so sick of this! This child abuse has got to end. She needs someone to give her sound advice, like "How about you relax and win something on the LPGA first?" That's it, I'm going to Hawaii right now to slap her parents full in the mouth.

Why does Kentucky Fried Chicken use the song "Sweet Home Alabama" in their ads? That's like Boston Market using "New York, New York". They're both in the Northeast, right? Close enough!

Coach Coughlin will coach the Giants next year. On top of this, word is that several potential GMs are no longer interested in the job because Tom is sticking around, so they get screwed TWICE. I'm so sick of people being rewarded for incompetence. I am going to start looking around for a new team to root for--details coming soon.

I've been watching a lot of college basketball lately, and there is no way that OSU freshman Greg Oden is 18 years old. Also: look out for Wisconsin, Pitt and Appalachian State in the tournament in March. And of course, I'm rooting for the Wichita State Shockers! Villanova will be lucky to be a bubble team, I smell a first round loss in the 7-10 game. And Dick Vitale is still and irritating douche.

Poor Rory Fitzpatrick. When I checked the 2007 NHL All-Star Game voting totals on Monday, he was in 2nd place by a 100 votes, but now the NHL says he missed by 23,000 votes. How did that happen? Well, the official RORY FITZPATRICK CONSPIRACY THEORY MESSAGE BOARD broke it down (all those numbers made my head hurt) and seem to conclude that there were voting irregularites, and that there may be 100,000 votes missing! (I didn't know this, but apparently the forum goons at SA had a hand in starting this whole VOTE FOR RORY thing. Nice!)

I don't give a shit one way or another, since All-Star Games are fake anyway. But I do find it funny that ALLEGEDLY the NHL is going out of their way to fix the voting results, right after saying "VOTE AS MANY TIMES AS YOU WANT!" Did they not forsee this possibility? Did they even ask how other sports handle online votes (like MLB.com)? Why not just limit it to one vote per IP address. They are so badly mismanaged, it's not even funny. Someone hit Bettman over the fucking head with a bag of pucks.

IT'S AN iWORLD AFTER ALL

Apple Inc. (don't call them Apple Computers) continued their plot for world gadget domination by introducing the iPhone ($499-$599). It's a sleek looking thing with a touchscreen and iTunes integration (duh) and all that. The announcement sent their stock to a new high, and Palm and Blackberry stocks lower. They also sell about 30 songs A SECOND on iTunes (even though most of the songs suck). I'm so sick of all this "i" crap, by the way. When does their iToaster come out? Come to think of it, I could use a new iStapler. And when does the first new iCar roll off the assembly line? Gosh, I can't wait!!!

Although there's something positive to be said for Apple's business model, and the overall quality and integration of their products, although the price fixing annoys me. But after mucking around with webcams and online IM software with my family members the last few days, I'm beginning to think a true "plug and play" system like a Windows-free Apple MacBook might be the way to go for my future laptop purchase. Plus, I hear their customer service is second to none, and isn't that the worst part of the whole computing process? I'm sick of Indian kids reading off a flow chart, I would prefer a geek in the Valley actually solving my problems. I don't know, maybe the ecstacy will wear off and I'll just buy a Dell, with 64-bit Windows Vista.

Anyway, I have to go, my iPhone is ringing and I HAVE to take this: I think it's Bob Dylan.



(BTW, if you look online, iPhone is a VoIP company. Lawsuit?)

BLOGNOSTICATIONS: THE YEAR IN REVIEW

2006 was another year. That's all I can say, it wasn't bad or good, it was just THERE. I didn't work this week and didn't do a thing, and even those at work were probably just idling AND waiting for the year to end. So let's just turn the damn calendar over already. Maybe I'll slap together a Top Ten things in 2006 that didn't piss me off year-in-review crap list for the Eye=Opener, eventually. Until then, this is all I've got. Enjoy.

NOTES FROM CAPITALONE BOWL WEEK. Once again, there were some fun games to watch. Here are my notes:

Hawai'i Bowl. Strangely enough this game was played in Hawaii, and featured Hawaii vs. someone. That someone was AZ state, and QB Colt Brennan (great name!) lit him up for a record 558 yards and 5 TDs in a 41-24 win.

Because they couldn't come to an agreement with the stadium vendors, there was no pizza served at the Papa John's Bowl. What a retarded country we live in.

Emerald Nut Bowl. There were 3 Emerald Nut sacks in the game.

Meineke "George Foreman Has Himself And A Family To Feed" Car Care Bowl. You always have to root for the service academies in these bowl games, so it was a heartbreaker to see Navy fumble this game away, allowing BC to kick a game-winning FG as time expired. Ugh.

Sun Bowl. The Oregon State coach displayed the biggest set of balls by going for 2 with time running out to win 39-38. I think their D was out of gas anyway, so it was a good choice.

Insight Bowl. Featuring the biggest bowl game comeback ever, the Texas Tech Red Raiders, down 4 TDs at the half and 38-7 with 7:47 in the 3rd, came storming back to win 44-41 in OT. That was fun to watch.

Texas Bowl. And of course, the mighty Scarlet Knights of Rutgers dominated K-State to win their first bowl game 37-10. Way to go, RU!

THE YEAR IN BLOGNOSTICATIONS. I went 6/8 in the NHL playoffs, didn't guess a single golf major correctly, got nearly every MLB postseason guess wrong, and nailed Pat Quinn's firing within 24 hours. A mixed bag to say the least.

As for the National Fucktard Football League, I said McNabb would get hurt in Week 10 (right on!), Sweet Shaun Alexander would get hit with the Madden Curse (he did). Of course, I also thought the Jets would win 3 (they won 10!), and that Detroit would be improved (they lost 13, vs. "only" 11 last year). I also (not) famously said the Giants would go 8-8 and miss the playoffs . . . which contradicted this earlier post, where I said they'd go 9-7 and make the playoffs. Huh? Whatever, they still suck. And Tiki singlehandedly carried them in Week 17, and they made it in despite the "efforts" of Eli and the coaching staff. (Why can't Tiki stay and the REST of the team retire?) Overall, I had no idea how much the NFC was going to blow. Regardless, I got 8/12 playoff teams correct, so there.

FINAL NFL UPSET SPECIAL: Pittsburgh (+6) will beat Cincinnati. I had faith in Ocho Cinco, but the Bungles stinko, and so does my lousy Bears/Bengals Big Game #41 prediction. (I think San Diego is scary good, which means they won't win.)

That's it. I'm tired from doing nothing.

HAPPY 2007 EVERYONE!