TOP THINGS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING POSTSEASON BASEBALL BROADCASTS

The baseball postseason starts today, before too long the dreams of 2 of the 8 remaining teams and their fans will be horribly smashed to a bloody, shapeless pulp! ESPN and FOX are doing the honors, and of course tonight we get to see the Yankees in primetime. That's what it's all about, getting to watch teams that you never get to see and rarely hear anything about (he said sarcastically). But above all, it's about the broadcast, and these two networks will take your hating to a new level! Here's just a few reasons why I will be watching the games in complete silence:

TOP THINGS I DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING POSTSEASON BASEBALL BROADCASTS
· How much the Yankee payroll is versus anyone else's. The Yankees spend more because they make more, and last time I checked there wasn't any rule against it.
· When the O.C. season premiere will be, how exciting the all-new episode of Prison Break is, or who House M.D. will miraculously save in the final 2 minutes this week.
· Anything from Chris Berman or Stuart Scott.
· Anything from Tim McCarver.
· How refreshingly cold Coors Light is.
· Some bimbo like Jessica Simpson destroying the National Anthem.
· Yankees fans booing any of their own players.
· An announcer pointing out how loud it is in the Metrodome.
· Interviews of people who have nothing to do with baseball (i.e. politicians, movie stars, athletes from other sports, etc.)
· Any announcer saying, "Now the shadows will come into play" during one of the afternoon games.
· How satisfying Taco Bell's new nightmarish fat-laden food-like offering is.
· How a particular game is the "6th longest in postseason history". How come they don't subtract out the hideously long commercial breaks, and tell us how long the ACTUAL GAME took to play?
· Gary Cohen, who bitched his way onto WFAN radio to broadcast one inning of the Mets playoff games. What a dick. Remember: if you sign on with a TV network, you know ahead of time that you won't get to broadcast a single postseason game. That's the way it is.
· Joe Buck. For the next 7 years.

AND OF COURSE, HERE ARE MY 2006 POSTSEASON BASEBALL BLOGNOSTICATIONS!
AL: Yanks over Tigers in 4, Twins over A's in 5, Yanks over Twins in 6.
NL: Mets over Dodgers in 5, Padres over Cards in 4, Mets over Padres in 7.
WS: Yankees beat Mets in 6.
(And yes, it pains me to say that.)