COMMERCIAL BREAKDOWN

While watching commercials tonight, which were occasionally interrupted by LOST, one break had two separate but similar ads. One was hyping a Taye Diggs TV show about deja vu, and another one hyping a Denzel Washington movie about deja vu called, well, Deja Vu. I'm having that weird feeling like I'd just seen this somewhere before, and there's a name for it I can't remember . . . oh yeah, the word is "UNORIGINAL".

I heard that Bob Seger passed the Chevy commercial torch over to John Mellencamp at the World Series the other day. What a special moment, a changing of the mud guard, so to speak. Too bad I missed it (and according to the ratings, so did most of the country). John Cougar (what a cool rock name, so of course he changed it), it was nice knowing you. I hope you enjoy your free pickup truck, you useless whore.

Those Coors Light commercials with fake press conferences featuring Bill Walsh and Dick Vermeil AREN'T FUNNY, despite what other people may tell you and what you think (currently, I'm not charging money for this service).

A couple of complete morons, who are inexplicably dining at Taco Bell with a cute chick, discuss some godawful "crunchy, cheezy and chewy" delicacy and try to create a single adjective to would describe it. Wait, you forgot to include "chest-clutching". How about "crunchestclutcheesewy"?

Circuit City's commercials are amazingly inane. "Looking for that new TV? We've got just what you needed!", is the claim they make while The Cars song of the same name plays in the background. "Our web site has thousands of customer reviews so you can find out everything you need to know about our hottest gear." Let me get this straight: you're going to help us out by making us read what CUSTOMERS recommend? In other words, they couldn't tell you a single thing about their own merchandise, so they're not even going to try. Here's what I envision their employees saying as you walk in: "Hi, are you looking for a new TV? Well, I don't have the faintest clue, but why don't you ask that guy over there? He comes in the store every week and just hangs out for an hour, and I think he has three TVs at home, he probably knows more than me! Oh, and we take VISA, MasterCard and cash!" That's the best you can do? How do stores like this stay in business? Let me guess: staggering amounts of volume to cover up their severe ineptitude? Can you do us all a favor and please go out of business already? Why can't every electronics retailer be like HARVEY ELECTRONICS or CRUTCHFIELD?