2006 NLCS REPORT: LOS DOS CARLOSES AND THE CURSE OF THE CRIMSON TICKLER

That makes for a great movie title, doesn't it? After administering a 12-5 Game 4 Carlospanking Sunday night, the Mets and Cards are all tied up at 2 games apiece in the NLCS. Most importantly this means I will be attending the now-necessary Game 6 at Shea Stadium (named after Cuban guerrilla leader, Ché Stadium). That's right, it's Home Game 3, the Mets vs. the . . . Brooklyn Cyclones? These are the most useless printed tickets ever, they barely even say "NLCS" and "Mets" on them. We should have chosen "print it yourself" instead.

My Mets musings from the weekend:

* Los Carloses have more than earned their paychecks this postseason. Beltran now has 3 HR and 5 RBI (and 11 postseason HRs in 19 games, 7 off Cards pitchers), and Delgado is 12-for-29 with 4 HR and 11 RBI and 27 total bases in 7 games.

* David was able to Wright the ship and finally got off the schnide, getting a hit in the NLCS after going 0-for-9 (man, that was puntastic). He needs to perform, because it can't be Team Carlos every night.

* Poo Holes has 0 HR, 0 RBI, 4-for-14. Let's reiterate what Albert said about Glavine shutting out him and his team in Game 1: "He wasn't good, he wasn't good at all." Uh huh, look who's talking. I have a feeling he's going to bust out any minute now, and it's going to be scary.

* I'm going to just come out and say it: Scott Spezio's facial hair, which I've dubbed "The Crimson Tickler", is fucking stupid looking. But he did have key hits which helped the Cards win Game 2 and Game 3 so maybe he--no, forget it, that facial hair is retarded. Baseball players officially have the stupidest looking facial hair in all of sports, and maybe in the entire Western world.

* In what could be his final Mets game (he's a free agent, and white, so I'm guessing Omar won't resign him), Steve Trachsel pulled himself out of Game 3 with a "bruised thigh". Oh, okay. It probably didn't help that he walked 5 guys and gave up 5 runs in 2 innings. But I'll remember him for something positive: after 297 pickoff attempts this postseason, he finally got Eckstein in the 1st.

* Cliff Floyd's injury is a blessing in disguise, because now we get more of Endy Chavez, who is the Timo Perez of the 21st Century. (Sorry, I just had to use that phrase, because I loathe it almost as much as "Since 9/11 . . . ")

* I don't want to say "I told you so, Willie leaves Mota in too long", but I did and HE did (if that makes sense). I just hope the season doesn't come down to Mota, Perez or Hernandez. Yes, they have the advantage at middle relief over most teams (including St. Louis' neverending cavalcade of Joshs) but any of those guys can go Benitez on you in a flash. Not to mention "Never trust a Wagner". (Shit, I mentioned him.)

* Why does FOX continually show crowd reactions of St. Louis fans? Every time I looked, they weren't doing anything at all. When their team wasn't scoring, they sat there fairly emotionless and sluggish, like they might have ate too much pie before the game. So they're considered the best fans in the majors because they all remember to wear red shirts? Please. The Mets fans win hands down when it comes to enthusiasm and incomprehensible signs ("PICK YOUR POISIN"). I really want to bring a whole bunch of hand scrawled posters with me for Game 6 in which key words are misspelled, with the coup de gras being "LET'S GO METTS".

* And I'm not sure recently fired Steve Lyons is a racist, but he certainly isn't funny either. He also made fun of a blind Mets fan who needed special goggles to watch the game (of course, he didn't know he was blind at the time).

So we've got Glavine vs. Jeff "Dream" Weaver in Game 5 tonight, although it looks like it's going to rain. The rest could be good for Glavine, but bad for the Mets if the Cards decide to start Carpenter.

Bottom line: they cannot go down 3 games to 2 to a team that only won 83 games.

LET'S GO METTS!