ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FUTBOL???

I don't know about you, but I'm not properly prepared. I woke up Saturday thinking that I had World Cup fever, but it turned out to be just a hangover and a little congestion brought on by allergies. The time difference makes it impossible to get into any of the weekday matches, as I've only seen little snippets of the matches that start at noon. The USA/CZE match was on during the day yesterday, and it was 3-0 before I even got to see any of it--but they looked enormous next to our guys. The Czechs seriously have a guy who is 6' 8", that's ridiculous. Today, I watched the final 25 minutes or so of the SUI/FRA match. ESPN2 and Univision have to get their sh!t straight; while the former had a total time clock, the latter network counted up from half time; I got confused and thought I was watching tape delay of the first half. To add to my dismay, get this, they had SPANISH commentators!

Oh, and as for HD viewing, I only caught about 5 minutes of Mexico/Iran the other day. Meh. And the only good thing I can say about ESPN.com is their Soccernet.com GameCast. It gives you live info/stats (such as it is in soccer) along with a running commentary, such as this line from FRA/SUI: "29 mins - Sagnol goes down a little theatrically when challenged". Yep, that's what I've come to expect from World Cup soccer: a lot of theatrics, and not too much excitement. Then there's this comment: "30 mins - Henry makes a great run in to the Swiss penalty area after nutmegging Magnin." Okay, I know it's been about 4 years since I've paid attention to soccer, but NUTMEGGING? I don't know what that is, but I probably don't want to see it in action. I lived in the Nutmeg State for 6 years, you'd think I would have heard of that technique. It sounds like something you do to a chick right after a Dirty Sanchez.

Although people tell me that AUS scoring 3 unexplained goals in the final 10 minutes vs. JAP was exciting, and Brazil has a player named "Roland in ho", I just can't get into this first round. Maybe later when there's more at stake, but though a team can play to three consecutive 0-0 ties and still make the next round, it doesn't mean I have to watch it.

With the hockey season pretty much wrapped up (I can't bear to watch the Cup unveiled down South), I think it's about time for some golf. I had a countdown timer going for the Masters, but I didn't like the way it looked, so let's just say, er, 39 h until the U.S. Open at Winged Foot!