2006 STANLEY CUP PLAYOFF FIRST ROUND PREVIEW

It's been nearly two years, but the STANLEY CUP PLAYOFFS ARE BACK. The NHL regular season was quite enjoyable to watch (for those who tuned in), as the new rules have increased scoring, and the zero-tolerance penalty calling has cut down on the clutching/grabbing/trapping style that bogged down the previous incarnation of this sport. Here at Open Hockey Blog, Ltd. we take pride in our incredible blognosticative powers, where we stated that the Devils would not make the playoffs (stated twice), Lundqvist would come back and win against Ottawa who had "nothing to play for", all Canucks teams minus the Leaves would make it, Phil stinks and DiMarco is a lock to win the Masters--my predictive powers are immeasurable. In light of that information, here is the official 2006 STANLEY CUP PLAYOFF FIRST ROUND PREVIEW! (Place your bets, place your bets.)

EASTERN CONFERENCE
Devils vs. Rangers
Player To Watch: Brian Gionta, NJ
Since I will be at Game 1, this is the series that I'm most interested in. Despite a 100 point season, no one is giving the Blueshirts any credit around here since blowing the Atlantic Division. Well, neither am I, but I think they'll make this a series. The Devils have been a dominant team this calendar year, but they've had trouble keeping Jagr bottled up before. Maybe the flu bug that's hit the Rangers will keep them down (as if they needed any other bad news at this point). That won't be a factor, just an convenient excuse if they lose. It comes down to goaltending, and rookie Lundqvist is not 100% no matter what they say; it looks like it will depend on "Marty being Marty". Devils in 6.
Buffalo vs. Flyers
Player To Watch: Daniel Briere, BUF
This is a deep Sabres team who roll three quality lines, and the Phlyers never have good playoff goaltending (former lesbian Anne Esche is starting Game 1). I've know been saying "it's Philly's year!" in every sport since 1986, but uhm, it won't be this year either, so for the sake of brotherly love I should stop saying that. Naaaah. Buffalo in 6.
Ottawa vs. Tampa Bay
Player to Watch: Martin Havlat, OTT
Sens have looked impressive (is 25 shorthanded goals for a team a record?), while the Lightning Bugs have struggled all year and had to fight to get the #8 seed. Without Hasek playing, TB might steal a game at home, but that's it. Ottawa in 5.
Carolina vs. Montreal
Player To Watch: Eric Staal, CAR
'Canes are too deep (even without the injured Cole), and should take out the Habs and their young goalie, whose resembence to the new Batman won't help him. Brind'Amour is still as ugly as ever, which should give them the edge. Carolina in 6.

WESTERN CONFERENCE
Detroit vs. Edmonton
Player To Watch: Henrik Zetterberg, DET
The Swede Wings are too damn good. It also makes me sick how Dr. Cox on "Scrubs" continually wears their jersey too (a show I otherwise enjoy). Hey, do any of the Oilers own oil stock? Sorry, just looking for a bright spot. Detroit in 5.
Dallas vs. Colorado
Player To Watch: Joe Sakic, COL
This is my upset special. While the Stars had the most points from shootout wins during the regular season, there's no shootout in the playoffs. There's also no crying in hockey, unless you're Mark Messier. Colorado in 7.
San Jose vs. Nashville
Player To Watch: Jonathan Cheechoo, SJ (god, I love that name)
Sharks are a scoring machine (Sharky's Machine? Sorry, awful reference), and the Preds' backup goalie will be eaten alive. Sharks in 5.
Calgary vs. Anaheim
Player to Watch: Miikka Kiprusoff, CGY
It's going to be duck flambé, as Calgary wins one with the Kipper. Calgary in 6.

RANDOM NOTES:
* The Devils were down by 17 points on New Years Day, and were never in first in the Atlantic until the 82nd game. Their 11 game winning streak to end the season is a record (not including shootout wins, they had 10 wins in a row, which is still a record).
* Some jackass named Scott Burnside at ESPN.com apparently disagrees with Pat Quinn's firing. I don't remember him from NHL 97 on my Sega Genesis, so I'm guessing that not only has he never skated in the NHL before, but he's probably been to zero games in Toronto--he's from the hockey-and-sports hotbed of ATLANTA, for chrissake. I hate the Worldwide Leader in Shit more and more with each passing hour. This is Karl's take, gleaned from his travels to YYZ and back last year: "They started grooming Paul Maurice for the job last year. Once Carolina fired him, he went to Toronto's farm system. Then the Leafs made no effort to improve this year's team, let some contracts expire, and gear up for a big 06-07 once they have a year under the "new NHL rules and marketplace" environment. People were furious last summer about all this while I was up there. People getting signed elsewhere, Leafs not making any moves, etc. Leafs ownership was very hesitant. Not a bad strategy really, limiting the potential liabilities. There was a lot of uncertainty when they were planning to get back on the ice, as to whether anyone would watch. Paul Maurice's a class act. I can see him up there for a very long time." Good stuff.
* HD programming note: One would think that this would be the best time for the NHL, in its "comeback year", to showcase the Second Season and broadcast all the games in full widescreen HD . . . but they won't. Here's the NHL's official statement: "The network will also take advantage of hi-definition technology, presenting one series in both the quarterfinals and semi-finals in HD, as well as both series in the conference finals. Games one and two of the Stanley Cup Final will also be available in hi def." ONE SERIES? AND TWO GAMES IN THE FINALS? What a joke. Of course, it doesn't say which games; the only ones I know for sure are NBC's Saturday and Sunday afternoon games (Rangers @ Devils 3PM 4/22, Oliers @ Red Wings 1PM 4/23). As for OLN, who the hell knows? They have the technology, but there are so many blackout rules, that I have no idea what's going to be on.
I'm almost to the point where I'm sick of even researching this stuff, because it's a joke how little HD is available. By 2015, we should be up to speed, at which time an even better HD format (1620 ultra-progressive!) will have been invented to replace this standard.
* The best part of OLN's increased "hockey themed programming" during The Quest for the Cup™: they're going to show the 1986 movie Youngblood. The synopsis: "A skilled young hockey prospect (Rob Lowe) hoping to attract the attention of professional scouts is pressured to show that he can fight if challenged during his stay in a Canadian minor hockey town." First of all, Rob is no Kevin Lowe when it comes to skating. Second, Patrick Swayze and Keanu Reeves (who apparently plays a French Canadian goalie) are co-stars. Man, I can't wait.
* Bill Simmons must have read my "Rearview Mirror" blog post, because his entire NBA article similarly quotes Pearl Jam songs. Bastard!
* Get your One Team, One Goal T-shirts before your team gets knocked out, rendering them obsolete and pointless!

MY NHL! MY CUP! MY HEAD HURTS!