Monday, January 22, 2007


It hasn't even been a month, and it's already been a strange year. We started off with Dick Clark missing the number "10" during the countdown, which is an auspicious beginning to say the least. The first Saturday of the year was 70° and sunny and I couldn't even get a tee time. Although many will point to the Red Sox finally winning the World Series as being WHEN IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL, since nothing GOOD has happened since, we may look back at 2007 as THE YEAR IT ALL WENT WACKY (thanks for the title for this blog entry, Rob). Let's look at what's happened so far:

James Brown has gotten more positive press than Gerald Ford after their deaths. That's right: the drug-addicted, wife-beating, unintelligible singer got more props than a former President who was a Distinguished Eagle Scout, national championship winning college QB, Yale law graduate, WWII Naval veteran, 24 year member of the House of Representatives, House Minority Leader, Vice President, President, and survivor of attacks by both Squeaky Fromme and Chevy Chase. That doesn't seem fair.

Bill Parcells retired . . . but is it for GOOD this time (?).

Rage Against The Machine is going to reunite at the Coachella Festival (so is Crowded House, but that's not the lead story because of the damn NORTHERN HEMISPHERE BIAS).

Peyton Manning has finally figured out the Patriots. That's right. As we begin the FOOTBALL FORTNIGHT™, we are faced with the scary proposition: what if he wins the Super Bowl? The Bears should be afraid, be very afraid, of laser rocket arms. Personally, I like Peyton and I don't know where all the animosity towards him comes from. Yes, he's annoyingly omnipresent, but at least he's accomplished something (unlike Paris Hilton, who merely banged Brian Ulracher) to warrant the attention and endorsements. I hope he wins it all and the sports media can get off his ass once and for all, and find someone else to beat up*.

(Congratulations Boston sports fans, the lucky recipients of the Greatest Choke Job In Sports History, when the Yankees blew a 3-0 game lead over the Red Sox in the 2005 ALCS, because thanks to Bradichick you can now enjoy the Greatest Collapse In NFL Championship Game History, by letting the Colts overcome an 18 point deficit to win!)

(*Of course I mean "verbally beat up"; no sportswriter could PHYSICALLY beat anyone up.)

FIGJAM he looks like he's in shape. Emerging from his foxhole to play a tournament for the first time after his disasterous Ryder Cup performance (1-4), he claims to have allegedly lost 20-25 pounds in the interim, while gaining 10-15 pounds of muscle due to a new workout regimen (by "new", I mean he actually GOT one). The cardio part of his workout involves constantly pounding his wife, I believe. Whatever he's doing, he actually is starting to look like an athlete.

Phillis giving up the In-N-Out burgers, Peyton in the Super Bowl--what is this world coming to??? It's madness, I tell you! The world's gone WACKY!

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