At least the league listened to meand suspended Pronger for 8 games; I can live with that. I think it should have been more than 10, but 8 says, "You're a stupid, sorry motherfucker and we hope you rot in hell," while at the same time saying that Pronger hasn't reached Chris Simon levels of goonery.
Meanwhile up in the nether regions of NY State, the Sabres managed 5 of a possible 8 points this week. It could have been worse (how's that for optimism?). They also beat up good on the Hurricanes and the [fallen] Leaves on two consecutive nights. I just wish I felt more confident that this team could do that each and every night. At any moment they could easily lose 7-2 to some shit-ass team.
Anyway, some good news: Bernier has 8 points and a +2 in 8 games with the Sabres. I watched the second half of the bitch-slapping of Toronto last night...It never gets old to see the Leaves lose to the Sabres. They are only 1 point out with 9 games left (although both Boston and Philly have a game in hand). The bad news, of course, is that they play pretty strong teams between now and the 30th. Montreal, Ottawa twice and Boston on the last day which could turn out to be a playoff for the final spot. But the very good news is that the game on the 30th is at 12:30EST, which means it'll be on sopcast (or ESPN360 for a sum) at 6:30CET! FUCKING BRILLIANT. I hope it counts for something (or if it doesn't count it means that the Sabres have clinched already).
Update: I just read Deadspin's NHL Closer on the subject and [while I generally think he's got a good grasp] couldn't agree less with Wyshynski's conclusions on the subject. His (non) smoking bullet is that Pronger is "looking up ice" at the time. Bullshit! Pronger is turning, but is clearly aware of where his stomping skate is going (and he's looking at the leg as he does it)...Regardless, this isn't deep-snow hiking, you don't have to stomp the ice off of your boots when you're playing in an NHL arena.
We all know that Bettman sucks. It's been proven time and again, but the events that have transpired with Chris Pronger this week bring Bettman's reign of terror to a new low. For those of you not in the know, Pronger skate-stomped Justin Kesler's leg during the second period of the Vancover/Ducks game on Wednesday night.
Bettman's lap poodle, Colin Campbell, "reviewed" the data (which, knowing this fucking league required him to see "Chris Pronger" as the subject and dismiss out of hand, since Pronger is a "superstar") and decided to not pass down any suspension. Now here's the thing, the original [public] video from Thursday morning didn't focus on the event and it was hard to be sure that Pronger got calf (you can see he tries, but let's say that it wasn't 100% conclusive). However, sometime Thursday evening (after the league handed down the non-suspension), a new video was released (my understanding is that it was TSN that first showed this video and has been covering this a lot since Thursday):
This video seems to prove guilt beyond a reasonable doubt. Now a lot of people are calling for a suspension that is on par with Chris Simon's 30 games for his Ruutu-stomp. This is not the same. Pronger is a dirty-as-shit player, who deserves anything he gets (I love the fact that he's got a broken jaw), but this incident is different in at least two ways: 1. Pronger has never done a Simonesque two-hander to the head of an opponent. He hits with his elbows up. He aims to injure. But there's a difference between headhunting and playing baseball. 2. Simon did it away from the play, as both players were skating to the bench. He purposefully moved Ruutu's leg so he would be able to stomp on it, with the intent to break Ruutu's leg. Pronger got tied up with Kesler and stomped him in the "heat of the moment."
Simon got 30 games. I think Pronger deserves at the very least 10-15 games. 20 would probably be justified based on his repeat-offender status and known goonishness throughout the league.
According to TSN the league is re-reviewing this incident, which brings us to another point. The league made a decision on Thursday morning. Did they have the second video angle and ignored it? Or did they not have it, meaning that they made a decision without having all the evidence on hand? The optimist in me wants to say that they just pulled the trigger quick, without getting all the evidence. They just wanted to handle this quickly and did it in a non-professional manner. The cynic in me believes that they had this video and chose to ignore it because it is Pronger. They're only re-reviewing because of the public outcry. Look for a couple of minutes at the comments on the TSN story...I bet that less than 1% of the people support the league or Pronger in this case. And this is Canada - the bread and butter of the NHL's support.
I've just one little comment: FUCK GARY BETTMAN. He's done nothing but consistently ruin this sport that we love so.
Even though Jeff thinks that the Sabres are going to be playing golf in a few weeks, I still am holding out hope. They won 7-1 last night against the fucking 'Canes. They're only 2 points away from 8th. Here's the thing that is so goddamn fucking frustrating: Inconsistency. They lose 7-3, then they come back and win 7-1. They'll play excellent hockey (it looks like last night's game was quite good), and then they'll do fuck-all. I have a bad feeling about tonight's game in Toronto. If they miss the playoffs it'll be because of this inconsistency. They have the skill, they have the speed, but they just don't manage to play the same game every night.
This is Willa Ford, but you might know her as Amanda Lee Williford-Modano. That's right, she's married to Mike Modano, the all-time goals and points leader among American-born NHL hockey players. She's also put out an album, possibly played football in lingerie once, and was on some dancing show. Most importantly, she appears to vehemently despise pants.
In 1310 career games, Modano has 525 goals, 751 assists, and 1 hot piece of ass wife. Hey, he's earned it.
Second photo courtesy of Stuff, the magazine for guys too stupid to read Maxim (if you can imagine).
Congratulations to the 10,000th reader of the Open Hockey blog! It seems impossible, unfathomable to me that that many people have accidentally stumbled upon this blog. Thanks for checking us out. But most of all I'd like to thank myself, and the great OH blog team--we never gave up hope! And I wanna thank Jesus, and say hi to my special lady, Marge: we did it, baby! Whooooo hooooo! Anyway, sometime on Monday, Lucky Fan #10K turned over our counter to read 5 digits, and while I can't be sure who it was I'm going with the guy who searched for "is dana jacobson single" and found my "Dana swilling Belvedere vodka" tribute post. Yes, Dana is still single and refuses to call me. And no, random Googler, you don't have a chance in hell of getting her to date you because you don't have a fantastic blog like mine. So there.
Other random thoughts:
* I think we can stop putting those irritating "security" stickers on top of DVDs and CDs, since there are a bazillion torrents available on the internet of pretty much everything now. Those impossible to remove "thief proof" stickers along the top of the case are laughable, and with rampant the file sharing that goes on it's akin to putting a band-aid on a severed head.
* You know when you're walking towards someone else in a hallway, and you turn into a doorway or down another hallway before you pass them? What is the minimum "greeting radius", the distance from the person that requires you acknowledge them in some way? I say it's 30 feet, and if you're further away than that you don't have to say "hi", or "morning" or nod.
* During the hockey shootout, the players should take off their helmets. Why do they need to wear them? Of course I'm talking about the shooters, not the goalies; that would be silly. No, I think the goalies should remove their pants.
* While it was enjoyable to see Villanovablow the doors off of Syracuse by 19 points yesterday, today's loss to Georgetown by the same margin (and score, 82-63, during which they drained a ri-fucking-diculous 17 3-pointers) was frustrating. So it's now official: they aren't going to be in the NCAA tournament. Coming up next: are the Wildcats going to be overlooked for the NCAA tournament? Yes, they are. Or are they? Sportsline's Gary Parrish was paid to say "I have no fucking idea."Joe "Bracketology" Lunardi says they're one of the "Next Four Out", whatever that means. Jay Bilas of ESPN says the 'Cats are in, but Jay Bilas also likes vanilla and long walks on the beach. So fucking what? His opinion is just as valid as mine, and I say he's full of shit. When was the last time anyone from ESPN was right anyway? I'm going to go with back in the early 1980s when they decided to show Australian rules football.
* Now that "The Wire" is over, I was looking for another show to waste my time watching. There's good buzz surrounding AMC's "Breaking Bad", a show about a high school chemistry teacher who is told has terminal cancer decides to start his own meth lab. However, everything seems to be conspiring against my ability to watch this show. First, every show is available on my Cablevision OnDemand channel . . . EXCEPT THE FIRST TWO. And those first two aren't on the AMC site. Also, what the hell does "Breaking Bad" even mean? And how can you call your network "American Movie Classics" when you don't show classic American movies? Okay, now I've lost interest in watching the show. Maybe I'll look for "Mad Men" DVDs to rent, or something.
* If you were born after 1980 you probably prefer "Family Guy", and if you were born before 1980, you probably like "The Simpsons". If you are born after 1980, and you come up to me saying "Family Guy" is overall funnier than "The Simpsons", you're wrong. End of discussion. Now get off of my lawn! (Of course, some Stewie and Brian scenes are funny . . . no, I won't back down.)
* Coors Light has bar coasters featuring a bunch of green colored Coors bottle caps in the shape of a shamrock, with the slogan "Irish Enough". What the fuck does that mean? It's Irish enough for you, just drink it, stupid.
* GOLF magazine says in their Masters preview issue that if it comes down to a final round showdown between FIGJAM and Tiger, FIGJAM would win it. Tiger is playing as well as we've ever seen him, so what are they basing that on? Phil has "confidence". Yeah, right. I too can be pretty confident, but I ain't winning a match against the greatest golfer ever. What am I saying? I'm not even confident about posting this crap on the blog.
No, I'm not talking about getting something special for my $600 tax rebate. I am of course talking about the dishonorable jackass himself, Eliot "Client 9" Spitzer, who was just caught as part of a online prostitution sting and forced to resign. Just the other day, Rob and I were talking about the horrible politicians we have "representing" us in the sorry state of New York (Spitzer, Schumer, Clinton) and wondering why we even live in this state. Well, despite our low expectations, ol' Spitzy managed to slither underneath them somehow. The most shocking thing is not that he got some 20 year old strange behind his 50 year old wife's back, it's that no one seems the least bit surprised by all of it. I guess the recent local scandals involving former NJ governor McGreevey, former Connecticut governor Rowland, and oh yeah, Hillary Clinton's husband, will numb anyone.
Storming into the Governor's mansion in early 2006, Spitzer vowed to wake up the state legislature, make people responsible for their actions, pompously declaring himself a "fucking steamroller" in his first month in office. All of this bloviating and overcompensation should have been warning that he was probably hiding something. Well, just 14 months later he's now been steamrolled out of office, for the aforementioned illegal activities uncovered by a federal wiretap (featured on the next episode of "The Wire"?). Guys like this, hypocritical politicians blinded by ambition and power (family be damned!), are the most loathesome individuals I can think of. (Followed closely by the wives who "stand by them" in order to salvage their own careers.)
His slogan last year was "Bring Some Passion Back To Albany", and now that's he's been caught paying for sex, how ironic does that statement sound now? He's reportedly spent $15,000 during a half-dozen trysts over the past 6 months, and up to $80,000 on prostitutes over the past 10 years, numbers which are speculative at best but could realistically be higher than that. We should be able to sue this guy for using our tax money (his salary) to fund some of this debauchery. It's only fair. At the very least, I want the $306 I just paid to the New York state tax department so I can spend an enjoyable night at the local "gentleman's club" this weekend.
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The local papers didn't let me down. The New York Post headline read "HO NO!" while the Daily News went for the tasteful "PAY FOR LUV GOV". Well done, idiots!
Sidney "Sid The Kid" "Bing" Crosby saved hockey once again by singlehandedly beating the Evil Russian Kapitals on national TV on Sunday afternoon. He scored a goal, and using his mind bullets, he even forced Li'l Nikki Backstrom to score one FOR him: the game winner into his own net. This faux pas reminded me of Edmonton's Steve Smith banking one into his own goal off of goalie Grant Fuhr in Game 7 of the 1986 Smythe Division finals vs. the Calgary Flames. Luckily, YouTube has a (predictably shitty quality) clip of it.
What a shitty way to end a playoff series, and the season.
The later game on Sunday, Boston vs. Rangers, was the case against anyone saying a game has to be high scoring to be exciting (like Bettman, who is trying everything in the world to increase scoring and who, consequently, sucks): a 0-0 tie in regulation eventually won by the Rangers in a shootout. The 3rd period was crazily entertaining, and while Auld was solid Henrik was out of his head. Now the Rangers are on fire, winning 10 of their last 13 games. I'm saying this hoping to jinx them going into their game at THE ROCK vs. the Devils next week, who are currently winless on the season against them.
This blog asserts that "New York is a hockey town at last" after good ratings for the Sabres/Rangers game on Monday night. Yes, overall ratings are up 100% in the New York area, but what else was there to watch on a Monday night in early March? Please, once baseball is back or the Rangers go on a mini-slump, the viewership will start to erode. But at least it's a good sign for Versus, even though their broadcasts are still sub-par and the channel doesn't devote a single second to hockey during the regular season, outside of the Monday and Tuesday games.
However, the VS broadcasts look like Spielberg productions when compared to those of NBC Sports. It's one thing to promote the games bright new stars like Crosby and Ovechkin, it's another thing entirely to slobber sycophantically all over them. NBC: you need to get out of sports all together, because you suck at everything. You can keep the Olympics, because I don't give a crap about them unless (it's the winter).
Okay, I'm going to come right out and say it: the Devils are a strong team, as long as Marty has a good night. I know, this is like saying "human beings need oxygen to live". But I really worry about this team, as I don't see them winning the Cup as it stands now. Their power play is just too anemic, and they seem to play down to their competition more than any other team. The Toronto and Tampa Bay wins that they manufactured this past weekend are a microcosm of this season, and how they lack that killer instinct. Yes, I know they've been in first place in the Wales, or right around it, for the past month but I don't know how deep this team can go. After a lackluster effort up in Montreal, this mini-roadtrip at MIN and COL will be telling.
Despite Kris' insistence that the Sabres will make it to the playoffs (and lose in the 1st round), I don't see it. This week is a tough one with 4 games on the docket: they got 1 point vs. NYR, and now have @PIT, CAR, @TOR. By Sunday morning I think we'll know where they stand. As long as they don't go on another 10 game "winless" streak they have a chance.
Meanwhile, out West the Sharks are tearing everyone a new five-hole, recording 10 consecutive victories (2 in a SO). I pick this team to make a run in the playoffs every year, but it never materializes. Until they win the Cup, I don't know the way to San Jose and I don't care. The Ducks, after a rough Niedermeyerfree and Selanneless start, are still the team to beat in my eyes.
In closing, here are some highlights from NHL 94, one of the greatest videogames ever. EVER. (NHLPA 93 might be better, since if you check a guy just right, there will be blood. But there are no one-timers.)
There were so many quirky glitches, and the goalie AI was so stupid (see 1:05 and 1:28), but it just added to its charm. EA has never made hockey as fun as they did with these Sega Genesis era games. I especially love the guy getting beaned by an errant puck after the whistle at 3:14, the 3-car pileup at around 3:20, Pavel Bure being thrown across the ice at 4:08, and the Gretzky breakaway (penalty shot?) at 5:42. (I also enjoyed the video namedropping of former Devil #25 Valeri Zelepukin.)
"The Wire" series finale is about to air on HBO tonight, and I'm really going to miss this show. After seeing a few episodes here and there over the years, I finally decided to catch up with it on DVD this winter before the start of the 5th and final season, and I'm glad I did. This is one of the best dramas I've ever seen on TV, period.
A realistic look at the interconnected worlds of Baltimore police, drug dealers, politics, school system and media, it blurs the line between good and bad. The best thing about this show is that while everyone might have good intentions on the surface, deep down the institutions it analyzes are deeply flawed, and a seemingly minor discretion can have a major impact. When a character declares it's "a good day for the good guys", you know it's going to all come crashing down in the end, as the writers never allow anyone to wallow in self-satisfaction for too long. Most of all, the way characters and story lines are intermingled on this show exhibits an unprecedented level of scope and depth; it rewards the viewer that pays attention.
I could probably go on forever about how great this show is but I won't. All I can say is that when you break it down, show by show, it ended up whacking "The Sopranos". While that show limped to a pathetic, inconsequential end like Omar, this one has ended just as strong as it started. (Of course, the same can't be said for the ratings, but that's that's just a product of the dumbification of this country.)
I just can't believe this show is ending. It's a damn shame. As Senator Clay Davis would say: "Sheeeeeeiiiiiiiiit."
Here's a bonus MP3 from the show that you can listen to while toasting the show's demise with a shot of Jameson: The Pogues "Body of an American"
I'm American; always have been and always will be, even if I never actually "live" in the US again (I'll always maintain residency in the US for multiple reasons). Before I came to France, I didn't particularly "feel" any special affinity for the United States of Advertising. But now I do. Being America I have the right to criticize the US; I guess it's like being Jewish. You can make Jewish jokes if you're a Jew right? If not, you can't. Well it's the same thing. Just because you saw an American movie once, or you went on a two-week trip to the West coast three years ago doesn't give you unlimited latitude to criticize a country of which you know little, you ignorant frog motherfuck. Wait, I'm getting off on a tangent here, but as you maybe can see, I'm not a big fan of ferrin' peoples being self-righteous about my country. I'm well aware of the short-comings of the US.
But [getting back on track], since I've been here, I've started liking big American V8 iron (which I'd always hated before), diner-styled products (like I sell, of course), Coke advertising and [good] bourbon (I don't need no stinking Four Roses**). I still think that American cars from the 60s and early 70s are dumb vehicles, I still think that the Ford Mustang is a rather silly car, but I still would like one...I think it has something to do with that V8 rumble and [in the former's case) the smell of good old pre-catalytic converter exhaust. I also want to shove something down the greenwashing, self-righteous, government nannies that are every-fucking-where here, who are moving this supra-government to the point that we're all going to be driving styrofoam cars, using rubber-band transmissions and powered by hamsters. At the very least, I can see them trying to cap power at some arbitrary level like 100bhp.
Oh, another great tangent: The assholes in charge decided to create incentives to reduce the CO2 output of vehicles. I'm kind of confused as to my feelings about global warming, CO2, and Chicken Little, but I am an heavy advocate of reduced consumption whenever possible. So in France they have what's called ecologic bonus and malus*. A bonus means tax credits for cars that produce less than 130g/km of CO2. There's no bonus/malus for 131-160 or so g/km. Then there's increasing malus (fine) after 161g/km. (*There's no word for malus in English, but it's basically it is the opposite of bonus (in the "she's easy, so that's a bonus" sense), but it plays on the word for bad, "mal," in French.) The new Nissan Rogue (called, charmingly the Qashqai here) has great copy in their new print ads: "Malus Ecologique = Zero"...which I basically read as "Ecological Harm = Zero" when translated from French, although it really just means that you don't have to pay any penalties. Fuck Nissan, Greenwashing twunts. With a 105 bhp on tap, we can easily reformulate the copy for the 1.5 ton crossover. "=Zero"
And back on track: I'm sick of people knowing more about my country then I do. I hate them lecturing me about how a government should run (they should look inward first). I sick of having to provide tacit support to Bush because I get sick of hearing people complain about him...What the fuck do they know? I can hate him because I have a say in the matter...these little fucks, no so much. The thing that bugs me the most is the people who are so ignorant they don't really realize that they're being ignorant. You know what I don't care about? If Obama or Hillary won Nevada or Colorado. This has so little influence on my life. I probably won't vote for a major candidate (that blows their minds too) and even if I do, it'll just be because I hate the other person that much more. Actually, I may have to vote McCain just to piss them off; it's been proven time-and-again that 75% of the French people are aspiring Democrats. I don't even like McCain, but I think I'm going to get a "John McCain, Soldier On 2008" bumper sticker.
Anyway, it's the end of the week and this really just makes me too frustrated to even take the time to try to explain how much I hate these people who just judge based on nationality; we all know that it is only valid to judge based on race.
Regardless: I'll probably buy an old American V8 at some point and I'll drink Jack Daniels at the wheel and fire at pedestrians with my Colt .45. Yeah, that sounds about right. What're the cops gonna do? run me down in the 105 hp cop cars?
For the record, this stereotyping is not a French-exclusive issue. I'm one of the least confrontational people that I know, and I almost busted a pint glass over some faggy Irish-fuck's head a few years back for exactly this reason. I've heard more than a handful of Brits get all uppity over various issues. Why don't you just go suck Tony Blair's dick.
**Speaking of Four Roses, this is strange. I was reading reviews of different Bourbons on BourbonEnthusiast.com and for some reason Four Roses polls very high..Lowered expectations? Maybe it actually is quite good and I just assumed it would be bad...Strange. Based on this maybe I'll retry a bottle; what's the worst that could happen? I would have to give it to people with Coke?...I'll take that chance.
It was bound to happen. I'm just going to chalk this up to coincidence, because there's no way someone read the ever-popular Open Hockey blog and copied off of my idea. But no sooner did I post something about hockey cheerleaders did the unfortunately named Puck That Hit blog (I guess they were going for "Fuck That Shit" or something equally witty?) post "Who Has the Hottest Ice Girls?" which then got noticed by the mighty Deadspin NHL Closer.
Everyone seems to like the Florida Ice Whores Dancers, and while I agree that they look the strippiest and seem to hate their pants the most, I deduct points if they don't skate. I sense I might be alone in this assessment but if you're an ice girl, this means you have to lace up the skates and step out onto the ice. As Barr Flys' Captain Karl used to say, "Yeah, but can she skate?"
I immediately eliminated Dallas, Phoenix, Nashville, L.A., Anaheim and Tampa Bay from the running because they just seemed so fake. I like the Devils Power Players (since I've seen them in person), and was leaning towards Atlanta or Carolina, but in the end, I voted for the Chicago Ice Crew. Not only do they exude pure, unadulterated Midwestern hotness, but their name is even a double entendre: ICE CREW! Yeah, I bet you do, you little minx. (Get it?) I also voted for the groundbreaking Islanders Ice Girls squad, as they are very underrated, and simultaneously able to piss off Henrik Lundqvist and inspire Craig Anderson. However, they shouldn’t have signed Kelli to a 15 year deal, as she’ll be pushing 40 by the time the contract ends.
This got me to thinking: is this bad for the NHL? Well, under Bettman it couldn't get any worse, so we may as well have some eye candy along with our expensive tickets.
According to the latest OH BLOG poll results, our readers love the broads (1st place with 30%) but could use some more hate (2nd place with 23%). What better person to deliver it than the late, great Bill Hicks. I'd like to think that he embodies everything that we believe here at Open Hockey (from the Eye-Opener Family of Hate Blogs): we hate because we care. (Or something like that.) Even though he died in 1994, the social and political targets he attacks with his intense, vitriolic comedy style are just as applicable today.
Obviously, these clips are (Not Safe For Fucking Work).
Here's a clip of him talking about how he wants his rock stars dead instead of clean cut and mediocre.
This is his classic rant about marketing. "I know what all the marketing people are saying: 'He's going for that anti-marketing dollar, that's a good market.'"
In one of his last interviews (late 1993), he talks about being cut from "Late Show with David Letterman". "[My 'pro-life' material was considered] not suitable for the David Letterman audience. But when I'm not ON the show, I'm a member of the Letterman audience. So therefore, my material is not suitable FOR ME. What a predicament."
This is pretty well done...Yeah, Jeff's gonna go all hater on it, 'cause he's like that, but I find it amusing: I never watch any video that's over 2 minutes online...this one clocks at 5:20 and I watched the whole thing.
Well, it's that magic time of year again when the Canadian Ministry of Public Protection (or whatever the fuck they call themselves) puts out it's list of Admitted/Prohibited material for Obsence and/or Hate reasons.
The good news, if you're a black person, is that the Nigger's Owner Manual has been banned...however, Nigger Jokes has been deemed fit and fair for Canadian consumption.
The Truth Behind the Jewish Talmud = Good Historical Quotes about the Jewish Problem = Bad
But I know, you don't come here to find out what racist books you can buy in Border's Downtown Toronto, you come for the porn. I have to say, it's fairly disappointing this year. Why someone would even try to import a movie called Dog Suckers, is beyond me.
It's the same old story for Opa's Porno Kiste. Episodes 1 and 6 are banned, but Ep.4 is a-okay...What happened to Eps 2, 3 and 5, anyway? Some Mountie still back home "evaluating them?"
Leave it to the French to film Violeuses de chiens (Dog Rapist). Of course, prohibited.
And my personal favorite, at least in name (until I find someone who's selling it - then maybe I'll like it for the story line): Gangbang my Face 2. Don'tknow why that makes me laugh...must be the alcohol. I just find the title funny.
I still want to meet the guy(s) (and girls?) who are more equal than your average Canuck and can watch these films and read the hate pamphlets and not be influenced.
Ugh, Fuck Censorship anyway. If the Canadians want to the watch Mr. Dog, who is the government to say No/Non?
Skiing is nothing but a controlled fall down a frozen mountain, a constant battle pitting you and friction versus the laws of gravity. In light of this it helps to have confidence in your ability and your equipment, and since I have very little in the former, I bought myself a new pair of the latter. I tend to hold on to things as long as they continue to work, despite advances in technology. Until recently, I had a TV that was over 25 years old that was encased in a floor standing faux-wood cabinet, and actually had a knob. Hey, it still worked fine, why ditch it? I thought this way about my old straight skis as well which I bought in high school. All I can say is: wow, ski technology has come a long way. Here is the description for the new skis I purchased: Head iXRC 800: Our six-speed sequential sports car for the kind of rider who is used to waiting for his friends at the bottom of the lift.
That's right, suckers! I haven't quite found all six speeds yet, but oh boy, do they know me! Actually I'm more the "kind of rider who is used to trying not to kill himself". The skis also apparently feature "Intelligence Technology" (meaning I don't have to think at all) and "Liquidmetal Technology" (which sounds like it would be really messy and difficult to ski on). Regardless of the asinine product description, these new curved skis actually do what I want them to, whereas the old ones had to think about it for a few seconds before moving in the direction I was trying to point them. (Maybe they ARE intelligent after all.)
Like golf, skiing is not a cheap pastime. Long gone are the days of $10 lift tickets that include a coupon for free hot chocolate; a day of skiing at Windham for an adult is now an astonishing $61 (this is easily more than a 25% increase from 2 years ago). While I understand that some of this money goes into snowmaking and refurbishing the base lodge (which I never actually stepped foot in), it certainly wasn't used to pave the parking lot, the vast majority of which is a muddy disaster area. However, thank god for Liftopia.com, who resells lift tickets for some of the major ski resorts at a discount, who only charged $25. This the best (non-porn/non-hockey) website I've found so far this year.
Now please excuse me while I attempt to hobble out to my car.
I'm pretty sure I have no idea where I'm going with this post. I was absolutely livid about something earlier today that I seem to have forgotten...Yep, I'm going to have a heart attack at 40...I can feel it coming...Let's hope it's minor and it will allow to change my life, maybe I'll "discover" God, worthless bastard that he is...Oh come on, does that shock you, with all the vile shit that we spew on here, that I would go after the big guy? Oh course if he does exist, I basically just guaranteed that my pending heart attack will not be minor...oh well I'm far enough to the atheist side of agnostic not to worry too much about it.
Right...so I hate marketing and marketers. The new "in" phrase in France is: "Increase your purchasing power." It started maybe 6 months or a year ago, with one store talking about your pouvoir d'achat...It's probably all Sarkozy's fault. Anyway, I am not an economist in the least bit, but this bugs the living shit out of me...Purchasing power isn't something that "increases" because the supermarket decreases the price of toilet paper...Purchasing power is (for me at least, a non economist) a measure of your ability to buy all the things that you need in a given time...Reducing the price of a plasma screen actually decreases your purchasing power because you can now buy less bread because you just took out a 4-year loan on a 52" Sony. There's this little thing called inflation, and unless you're getting really nice wage increases at work, your purchasing power is damn lucky to hold even. I hate marketers for confirming my deepest cynicism about people, 'cause let's face it; if more and more places are using it now in France it must work.
Movies suck...As you may know, I expected so much more from "No Country for Old Men." But, whatever...So now that Danny Lewis has won his very own bronze plated statuette, I figured I would watch this epic film of love and loss and whatever the fuck happened in California in the early part of the 20th century. Yeah well...Fuck Hollywood right in their Hugo Boss pants. I swear, they couldn't write a movie that I didn't hate if they had to (yes, motherfuckers, that is a challenge). It's not that "There Will Be Blood" is bad...it's just that it's...just...so...I don't know...ordinary? Without DDL this thing is standard Hollywood crap...with DDL...well it's standard Hollywood crap with an exceptional lead actor. I have a question: How come if I cut and paste a book and then throw my name onto it, it's call "plagiarism" but when they do it in Hollywood it's call "Best Adapted Screenplay." Fuck them all.
On a high note, I'm almost done with the written-word version of "No Country for Old Men." For their benefit, the Coens' did do a very good job at keeping movie close to the book, but the book is just so much better...The conversation seems more "real" in the book whereas in the movie it's just actors talking like that...I guess it's because, even though I see the movie characters when I read the book, it's not the movie characters who speak in my head...It's the book. It's hard to explain, but I guess I'm concluding that I really just prefer to read.
And that brings me to my final point: We tend to spew an awful lot of vitriol hate on this blog, but when something goes well, it deserves to be pointed out. I recently ordered the aforementioned "No Country for Old Men" (as well as the excellent "Our Dumb World" from The Onion) from Amazon UK because I was avoiding Amazon FR due to their legal problems with the French government (in retrospect, I obviously should have ordered from Amazon FR to tell the French to shove it up Carla Bruni's anorexic ass...oh well). The order was supposed to arrive a week later...which it didn't do. I contacted Amazon customer service and they told me that they would take responsibility for any delivery issues, but to wait a few more days to see if the French Poste could figure it out...they couldn't and I recontacted Amazon...Even before customer service recontacted me, I got a shipping confirmation from the automated webthingy saying my order had been shipped with no charges. Then I got an email from them with this line:
If the original package should arrive afterwards, please keep the items with our compliments, as the cost of return of the package is prohibitively expensive in this case. Perhaps you would like to donate it to a charity in your area if you feel it would be appropriate to do so.
Sure, this is probably standard practice, but it surprised the hell out of me. I assume/hope that Amazon FR would do the same thing - it's the same group - and this completely convinces me that Amazon is where I'm going to be buying my books in Europe for a long time.
I still haven't received the original package (I doubt I will, I'm pretty sure some son of a French postman just got new books for English class), but if I do, rest assured I'll do the right thing and put them on eBay immediately, or not. I'd probably just donate them to the American association here.
This is Megan Fox and from all indications (and Google image searches) she appears to dislike pants immensely. She's an "actress" who appeared in The Transformers "movie", or so I'm told by the interwebs. I'm not planning on ever watching it, but I can attest to the fact that she transformed my loose jeans into a pair that is significantly tighter in the crotch area.
Whenever I see a link for "megan fox wet bare feet", there is a 100% chance that I'm clicking on it. I predict that this will be the downfall of our country, wherein a not-too-web-savvy future President clicks on a similar link, and unbeknownst to him it will accidentally launch a thousand nukes, release cyanide into the water supply, or erase the database for every bank in the entire world (possibly all three).
But I digress. The bottom line is: Megan is quite a Fox! (See what I did there? Clever, eh?)
(Now, to throw some cold water on this post: the 21 year old actress is engaged to 34 year old "Beverly Hills 90210" assclown Brian Austin Green. I also predict, judging by her tattoos, nip slips and plasticsurgery, that she will hit the wall hard and become the next Tara Reid.)
I'm on a roll this morning...I actually have a ton of work to do, but I keep running into interesting bullshit stories. So really quick, Hockey Drunk did a run down of all the teams in the league if the league was a high school (and we all know that the NHL is Special Ed...and the biggest retard is the principal):
Buffalo would be the kid who never can afford to go anywhere or do anything.
Carolina would be the farmer kid with a mullet.
Pittsburgh would be the crybaby tattle tail.
New Jersey would be the really boring kid.
Montreal would be the kid who wants to trade you his apple for your Subway sandwich.
You can read them all over at Hockey Drunk; they are humorous at the very least.
A 39-year old New Zealand man died in a head on collision back in July. This isn't, by itself, newsworthy. What is, however, is that he was wearing a "fake seatbelt" to trick the police into thinking that he was wearing a real one because he had been stopped and fined 32 times for not wearing his seatbelt.
Of course the coroner determined that if he had been wearing his seat-belt, he would've lived. But my question is, wasn't the effort of making fake seatbelt setup and putting the fake belt on every time as much work as wearing a seatbelt would have been.
I understand that he didn't like wearing one, but real rebels don't fake it. Did Rosa Parks wear white face paint? Did Martin Luther kind of mutter a few sentences under his breath? Did Billy Joel care what the public thought when he wrote that freak-out song "Uptown Girl?" No damnit, these heroes did what they thought was right, not caring what The Man thought.
Screw those 32 fines. He should have put a big sign on his car saying "Fuck you pig, I don't wear a seatbelt and I'm loving it." Then his life would've been worth something.
Anyway R.I.P. Ivan Segedin...you obviously went out as you lived, in a blaze of idiocy.
2 shots as a Sabre, 2 goals as a Sabre. While logging over 15 minutes of ice time, Bernier had 3 points for his new team and the Sabres' faithful were heard saying "Brian-who?" and "Man, Darcy sure is smart."
I don't/didn't know Bernier and when I first heard of the trade I was thinking, what the fuck do the Sabres need another young forward for, but with Maxim-for-men having a groin and playing like shit when he is on the ice, Connelly's brain having the elasticity of a super ball and all the other nagging injuries, I guess it's ok...Plus Bernier is young and big....He makes Derrick Roy look like a fucking midget in this picture. He also stood up for that midget apparently against goon Jortin Tootoo (jeff- is he on your list of girliest names?).
Yeah, Campbell was a good fit for the Sabres. He was fast, he was mobile, he wasn't afraid to shoot...but he did make his fair share of what-the-fuck-is-he-thinking moves...Trying spin-o-rama's on the penalty kill and other bullshit moves like that. I hate to see a good player go (and he was a good player), but at least, as opposed to Danielle and Chrissy, the Sabres got something for him.
I do have to say though, I feel bad for Bernier. He lived in San Jose in the winter...He probably could ride his bike to work wearing shorts. Try that in Buffalo. Oh and try going to the beach in March...I hear Lake Erie isn't completely frozen.
Don't worry, I'm not going to be one of those people who start saying that Bernier is great and that Campbell has always sucked. Campbell is a better player than Bernier, no doubt, but this was a good move by the Sabres because they weren't going to pay Campbell $6+ million over 5 years or whatever he thinks he warrants and they needed to be able to get something for him. If Bernier does turn into a 1st line winger with Vanek and Roy...that's great. But I'm not one of those asshole fans who immediately start talking about how their recently-traded Allstar is actually crap and the the 4th line winger that they acquired is AWESOME!
For no other reason than I think this is funny, here's a video of bubble hockey trick shots, brought to you by the North American Bubble Hockey Association (there is such a thing?).
The super slo-mo on the deep slappers is priceless. My goal is to get one of these before the year is over. Anyone know where I can get one cheap? A new one goes for $2695 on Ebay -- a little pricey for me.
Finally, it's Sabres announcer Rick Jeanneret calling a bubble hockey game at a Ryan Miller charity event. Yes, he even makes this game sound exciting.
If you're a hockey blog fan, you've probably seen this picture already. No, it has nothing to do with Zednik's neck, and unfortunately Gary Bettman wasn't run down at center ice and dragged to his death right after exclaming "You are the best fans in the world!" (although it would have been the first time his presence elicited cheering). This is a dying Zamboni spilling transmission fluid onto the ice in Pittsburgh. Luckily, it gave the concession stands an additional 30 minutes to sell Iron City beer. Yecch.
With an OT win on Sunday afternoon, the Devils are in first place in the Wales Conference all by their lonesome for the first time since 2001 (unless you count the final day of the season in 2006, when they hilariously passed the Rangers). Some "experts" even predicted this team would miss the playoffs (like Don LaGreca, who has the weakest show on XM Home Ice next to Bettman's, and also serves as Michael Kay's whipping boy on ESPN Radio). But here they are, and they're not going anywhere just yet. Somewhat ironically as far as this blog is concerned, the Devils would play the Sabres in the first round, if the season ended today. In fact, why doesn't it end today? I think 60 games are more than enough to determine who's the best in each conference. So how about we wrap this thing up before baseball season and the Masters starts?
Once again, I guess I can no longer question Lou Lamoriello's shrewd decision making. He's somehow managed to make TWO (2) teams better this season: the Devils have responded to Coach Brent Sutter's new forechecking scheme, and the Bruins are playoff bound under ex-coach Claude Julien. It's trading deadline day, so will he trade for a center or defenceman before the deadline? Maybe get Brian Campbell from Buffalo? Lou certainly never does what you expect him to do. But all I can say is whatever he does (or doesn't do) is fine with me.
In other news, Teemu Selanne was named Player of the Week. The guy decides to take 5 months off, possibly playing pinochle with Niedermeyer, and suddenly unretires and he's fresh as a daisy--how does he do it?!? This week, Peter Forsberg has to come back from his sunless stay in Purgatory (Sweden) and play for the Avalanche. I even heard Susyn Waldman shriek, "Goodness gracious! Fawsberg is in the ownah's bawks!" So who's the next "hired slapshot" going to be? Can the Devils talk Scott Stevens into lacing up the skates again for a playoff run? These unretirement parties have got to stop. It's borderline bullshit, if you ask me.
Strange things are afoot in the Campbell Conference. Mirroring Ottawa's fall from the top of the charts, Detroit's once insurmountable lead has been cut to a mere 6 points, and now they are looking over their shoulder pads at the Dallas Stars. At least they can't be accused of crapping out in the playoffs, since they got an early start this season.
I've gone back and forth with the latest NHL points system, where no team is truly out of the race and you can still collect points even if you lose 20 straight OT/SO games. How about we ditch the points system altogether and go to straight wins/losses? Who cares how many points a team gets any more? The NHL has rendered it utterly meaningless.
I agree with Mick Kern from XM: don't put ads on the jerseys. It's cheesy, and Bettman has raped NHL tradition enough already.
Flyers fans weren't booing, they were saying "Booo-iere!" Seriously, did I mention this team can't lose enough for me?
Nike is pulling out of the hockey business. Back in 1994 they bought Bauer, and targeted their products towards the high-end market, even having their marketing department sign Sergei Federov to cram $400 skates down the hockey world's throat. Now that they've effectively increased the price of ALL HOCKEY EQUIPMENT (and recently released skate retailing for a ridiculous $899), Nike has decided that their work is done. Seriously, go fuck yourself, Nike: just do it.
Ending on a positive note: nice move by the Prudential Center to showcase pee-wee hockey jerseys, along side the high school jerseys already hanging from the rafters in the prominade. It's a nice touch, and hopefully inspires more young fans to pick up the sport. The Rock is also be the home of the NJ high school state championship, which might be fun to attend.
(In other hockey news, the previously undefeated Suffern Mounties sadly and shockingly lost their first game in the playoffs to Mamaroneck on a goal in the final 15 seconds, ending their hopes for NY state championship run. This loss was positively Patriots-esque. I feel really bad for the kids, because they only get a chance to do something like this once in their lives, unlike pro athletes.)
UPDATE (1:30 PM): The Sabres traded Campbell to the Sharks for Bernier and a 1st round 2008 draft pick. Hopefully, the draft pick doesn't turn out to be a daft prick. Thanks, I just wrote that.
UPDATE (3:15 PM): It looks like the Pens won the Maryanne Hossa sweepstakes. Dammit, they are going to be even tougher down the stretch, esp. with Crosby coming back TO SAVE HOCKEY.
UPDATE (4:00 PM): Sergei Federov was traded to the Capitals. It would be interesting if he anchors an all-Russian line of Federov, Ovechkin, and Kozlov: the FOK line!
