LIKE A KIDNEY STONE

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BOB DYLAN!

You just turned 65! What are you going to do? Well, go out on tour, naturally. He's not doing a 300 date "Catch Me Before I Die" tour like 80-year old B.B. King, but he is playing a few European festivals, alongside some unlikely fellow musicians. One of these festivals that caught my eye was the Roskilde Festival in Denmark. The lineup sounds pretty interesting; however, the website isn't in English. So allow me to try and translate these single sentence "artist profiles" from the ancient Denmarkian language. Sorry, I mean Denmarkese:

AMPLIFIER (UK): Buldrende tungrock flirtende med både stoner-rock og grunge
"We used every adjective we could think of--they're probably a trainwreck."

FRANZ FERDINAND (UK): 80’ernes dansable postpunk tilsat træfsikre popmelodier
"Yeah, they're ripping off 80's bands, just shut up and dance."

PLACEBO (UK): Pirkende rockudladninger med lån fra glam og punk
"Your glam is in my punk!" "And your punk is all over my glam!" "Two great sounds that taste great together! Rockudladninger!"

TOOL (US): Introvert art-rock med metalliske tendenser
"Shiny happy people holding hands!!!"

MORRISSEY (UK): Følelsesladede popsange fra en af tidens største tekstforfattere
"Caution: Effeminate pop singer is fatter than appears on album."

BOB DYLAN (US): Én af rockhistoriens betydeligste sangskrivere
"Shhh! Don't tell him the rest of the lineup."

(Oh, there's a link for the English version of the website. Eh, that was more fun.)