NHL PLAYOFF UPDATE: STICK A PITCHFORK IN 'EM!

The Devils swept the Rangers right out of the 2006 Stanley Cup playoffs, winning 4-1 on Saturday to stick a pitchfork in 'em, marking the first time they've beaten them in the postseason. Since I was spending the beautiful afternoon outside with my sister's family (another reason these 3 PM Saturday games suck), I only caught the Devils 1st and 2nd goals (the latter giving them the lead), and apparently that's all I needed to see. Jagr injured his shoulder getting checked into the boards a minute into this one, essentially sealing his fate, and that of his team, as the probable Hart winner only ended up with 1 point (an assist) in the 4 games. And when I say it was a "sweep", that doesn't even begin to describe the completely dominant performance by the Devils. They've now won 15 in a row, and with Elias on fire (11 points) and Marty playing great in goal, this team has officially reached "fucking scary" status.

All told, the Rangers' first "appearance" in the playoffs since '97 was pretty horrible, and their lack of experience showed. I would even go as far to say that they stopped believing they could win this after they gave up the 2nd goal in the first period in Game 3. Maybe this young team overachieved for most of the season and just ran out of gas, and the injuries finally built up and took their toll. But with young players like Henrik, Prucha, quality defensement like Roszival, and grinders like Betts and Ortmeyer, I like their chances over the next few years. And I've always said, it's always more interesting when all the local hockey teams are good (now if someone could only get the Icelanders in line).

Not to jinx myself, but some of my playoff blognostications have proven to be eerily accurate--yeah, I'm as surprised as you are. I'm especially proud of my "upset special" 7th seeded Avalanche, who took care of #2 Dallas even more decisively than I could have hoped. Regardless of my picks, I'm rooting for Edmonton to upset the mighty Detroit Cajun Hot Wings tonight. There's just one thing I don't understand: the Oilers current slogan is "Get Electric". But wouldn't switching from oil to electric put the Oilers out of business? It seems like the marketing campaign is counterintuative. Stay tuned to OLN, which will soon be known as the Vs. Network, named after the last good Pearl Jam album.

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More evidence that this country is doomed: a kids clothing company called "Pimpfants". This company's mission statement is as follows: "Pimpfants . . . it's more than a name, it's a movement! Our clothing bridges the generation gap between parents and kids, allowing babies and tots everywhere the opportunity to hit the playground with fresh gear and street cred. Pimpfants uses only the highest quality products, so your shorties can represent in style and comfort. If you want puppy dogs, ducks and frogs, you'll have to visit a zoo. But if you are looking for children's clothing that defines a generation, look to Pimpfants!" The crap that they're selling is so fucking moronic that I'm not even linking to them (you figure it out), for fear they might make money and wouldn't go out of business immediately, which I cannot allow to happen. Every time someone says, "Hey, things aren't so bad in American society", I find 50 websites like this to prove them wrong.

For the "who cares?" news item of the week, President Bill Clinton's portrait for the Smithsonian's National Portrait Gallery has been unveiled. Surprisingly, he's wearing pants, but not suprisingly he's not wearing his wedding ring. So even his portrait is trying to pick up chicks. Outstanding!