ONE-TIMERS

Here are some random one-timers, lines/ideas/jokes that are good but don't require fleshing out into a whole paragraph, courtesy of Rob, Karl and I.

• Good line from (WFAN's) Steve Somers yesterday: “The NJ Devils, still the hottest team in the NHL, having won 16 of their last 20.” (rv)

• Typical small talk conversation at work: "How about that weather? And how the weather affected the traffic, because the driver couldn't control his vehicle because of the aforementioned weather? I hear we're supposed to get more weather sometime in the near future! Can you believe that?" It's the only common topic that I can talk about with my coworkers, and I don't fucking care. (jk)

• Just heard a radio commercial for Pathmark supermarkets, where they say “our produce is guaranteed fresh, in fact if it’s not fresh, it’s free”. So if it’s rotten, I can have it free? Thanks. Also, canned goods that have telltale signs of botulism are 50% off. (rv)

• Business idea from Karl, the ABM (Automatic Bartending Machine): "We get a vending machine, you have it scan your driver's license and a credit card each time you want a drink. It'll keep track of how many you've had, and weigh you when you stand in front of the machine. When you get over the legal limit it cuts you off. Technically, we didn't serve anyone; they all served themselves. No liability. Where do I sign?"

Brilliant!

• I just read an music article about "Poptimism vs. Rockism". I found these terms on a major website (MSN Slate, and NYT, to be exact), and no I'm not going to explain it, or even tell you how it marks the rapid decline of American society, because I think that's implicit. (jk)

• I read a book last night, and I felt guilty that I missed "a very special Deal or No Deal", with guest star Regis Philbin and some disgusting ratings-grab tearjerker about soldiers in Iraq. Now we have very special game shows? What the fuck? Why can't it just be a vapid game show that only requires a brain stem to play, and even less to watch? (jk)