WRIST SHOTS: BEAR WITH ME

The Bruins have a secret weapon to help them beat Les Habitants tonight.



There's nothing in the NHL rule book that prohibits it, so it's all perfectly legal (just like Avery's antics, or Barry Bonds sticking a needle in his ass). The Bruins have reportedly signed him to a 12 year/$48 million deal, and the Russian Superleagues are outraged. I fully expect Colin Campbell to add an "unsportmanslike ursine" penalty to stop such egregious wrongdoing in the future.

Yeah, I'm phoning it in too. Let's just mention quickly:

* Marty flopped and dove his way to an embarrassing Game 4 loss last night (or so I've heard, I didn't watch one second of it and I feel better for it) as Staal's winner gave the Rangers a virtually insurmountable 3-1 series lead (and made up for his Game 3 off-the-skate-own-goal-in-OT).

* Some might say the Sens played lifeless hockey, that they're gutless, or their star players didn't step up, but I say this is the real reason they were swept:



I don't know where to start with that, but it appears that Sens Army is ambiguously gay and into cosplay. The part where the helmet falls down cracks me up everytime (next time go with JOFA instead of RBK). I'm just really pissed that I didn't picked them to lose in the first round, which is what I do every year! I'll show myself out.

* But not before mentioning that the Preds tied up the series with the Red Wings last night. As you can see, Maranda is really excited about this!