WRIST SHOTS: IF YOU'RE NOT SICK OF THE KID YET, JUST WAIT

It's headlines like this that make me hate all sports reporters: Crosby helps Penguins win first division title in 10 years. Despite the fact that he was hurt for almost 30 games, he carried this team! Oh, and there's this guy named Malkin (did I spell that right?) who has played every game, and might have scored a few goals (like, 40-something) here or there too. But none as handsome and photogenic as this goal:



OH, SID! I could never stay mad at you. What would be better than a first round Pens/Kaps matchup? A second round matchup! (See what I did there?)

Yeah, that was a Devils goal by Zubrus that "replay" missed and Thomas nicely blocked from view. Imagine if someone doesn't make the playoffs because Boston got that charity point . . . ?

Devils PxP man Mike "Doc" Emrick said something in passing last night about the "silly" names that the divisions used to have, like "Patrick Division", and how names like "Atlantic Division" make much more sense. Has he ever heard of "tradition"? Has he been brainwashed by Bettman? This is about the only thing I've found so far that I don't like about Doc (that and his career with the Flyers). Hey, how about you just call the game and leave your silly opinions to someone else? I care more about what Chico thinks about the quality of the nachos at The Rock. (HE LIKES IT! HEY MIKEY!)

Devils playoff tickets are on sale! I repeat, Devils playoff tickets are on sale! Yes, I got two emails this week. Most other teams don't have to send multiple notices like this, as they usually sell out before the email gets to my inbox. Hockey in downtown Newark remains a tough sell, however. They want you to ROCK YOUR RED, "joining the legion" by wearing red to the playoffs. Sounds like a dirty Communist plot to me.

As we all know, the Senators once had a 7 point lead in the Wales Conference, and now they're in danger of missing the playoffs. They couldn't blow it, could they? COULD THEY?

The Habs will beat the Swordswallowers tonight to put an end to that dream. And who keeps voting for Sabretooth? I had no idea you were such huge fags fans. You know that attack on the Devil was photoshopped, right? The source photo (at left) shows him gayly jumping around on the lawn in front of some McMansion, probably rented out for some brat kid's 10 year old birthday party. No swords, no killing (unfortunately). Anyway, don't worry, after tonight you'll be free to frolic, Toothy. (Wow, that's an autographed photo. That must be worth . . . nothing.)

Everyone seems to be slagging Nashville, because they're in the way of Vancouver (Godforbid, a team from Canada!) making the playoffs and losing in the first round. I am all for them making it, because not only do they have players with silly names like Legwand, Bonk and Tootoo, they have Vernon Fiddler. I picture him barefoot with a big hillbilly beard and overalls, madly fiddling on the porch of an old shack while the locals dance and swig moonshine. Sort of like this:



If they don't make the postseason, he could always return to his violin gigs. HEY VERN!

Last but not least the Rangers are in with a win tonight at the Mausoleum, where they meet the Icelanders. It should be interesting/scrappy/chippy/bloody. One thing I know for sure: POTVIN SUCKS.